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WranglrButts9
Member

since 2004-10-24

Posts 108
Iowa, US

0 posted 2004-10-27 07:51 PM

This was written to the beat of one of my favorite songs, so if it doesn't really fit, its because of that.
-------------

"Face To Face"

I'm face to face
With everything
That's ever gone wrong

You broke my heart
Shattered to pieces
And I hate you for it!

But now I'm face to face
With everything
Thats ever gone wrong

You never were around
Acted like you never cared
And I hate you for it!

But now I'm face to face
With everything
That's ever gone wrong

You taunted and teased
And made me cry
And I hate you for it!

But now I'm face to face
With everything
That's ever gone wrong!

You shoved and pushed
Bruised me so bad
And I hate you for it!

But now I'm face to face
With everything
That's ever gone wrong

You never saw the real me
And who I want to be
And I hate you for it

But now I'm face to face
With everything
That's ever gone wrong

I won't back down
No, I won't give in
And you can hate me for it!

The devil is shining through
All brought out by you
And I hate you for it!

I'm Finally.....

Face to face
With everything
That's ever gone wrong.

This is somethin I just added, but I don't think it really goes:

And that wrong thing
Is you!

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

1 posted 2004-10-27 11:08 PM

Hey Bailey!

First off, another great write! My favorite part was....

"You shoved and pushed
Bruised me so bad
And I hate you for it!

But now I'm face to face
With everything
That's ever gone wrong"

Tell me here or on aim tomorrow what song that goes to! I really wanna know!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2004-10-28 06:37 PM

Great writing, though I would watch the repitition, whilst it is a wonderful poetic device for getting the message across, in long peices the same unaltered message can seem boring and predictable and thus lose it's impact. Just my opinion of course. Anyway great work, hope to read more of it soon.

Andrew

WranglrButts9
Member

since 2004-10-24

Posts 108
Iowa, US

3 posted 2004-10-28 06:47 PM

Yeah- I understand. I guess to me I wrote it more as a song than poem (though a song is a poem) and the repitition is the chorus. But thanks for the advice!

Bailey

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

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