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TheGirlNoOneKnew
Member

since 2003-12-04

Posts 92
PA, USA

0 posted 2004-09-23 04:00 AM

Stare into oblivion, see colors they can't see,
biting my lip, I try not to cry out for help
but if I were to die inches away from your grasp
would you think I only wanted attention?

The wind blows through my curtains,
fall is sweeping it's way into my heart
and I'm lonely, too lonely anymore
I don't even know where to go from here.

Lives move on, mine drags behind
and I run as fast as I can to keep up,
but I can never reach your smiling faces,
so I wait until one makes it's way back to me.

If I was never born, what would that make me
would I be weak for regreting my existance,
would it make me anymore whole to admit,
that I'm slipping into depression once again?

Noises of the night try to sing me to sleep
as I sit here on my bed, holding my pillow tight
when will someone finally see me?
The real me, the person thats hidden underneath?

You have tried, I know you have tried
and I have let you in as far as I can
but every I love you only pains my heart,
because I never learned to love myself as well.

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

1 posted 2004-09-24 07:44 PM

this is really nice.... a little bit dark but very good none theless....i know the emotions expressed in this all too well.... and very well put..
keep it up
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

2 posted 2004-09-25 12:55 PM

*sneaks in*

Howdy....not a Teen...not by about 15 or more years, but I enjoy good poetry when I read it, and in this one, I have. This one is a common denominator, and you have given voice to something so ofttimes felt by those who think and feel, yet rarely expressed. You do, indeed, have great potential. What you do with it it entirely up to you, though I have to wonder: do you really want your copyrighted materials known by a pseudonym? This could be a problem later down the publication road, but I digress.

Irregardless, this one was a very poignant piece, and one I, among others, could relate to. Thank you for that.

Alicat

*sneaks out*

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2004-09-25 11:19 AM

it was alright. ummm....check your verb tense agreements. in the opening stanza, you used two different verb tenses. just make some little clean ups and this one will be fine.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2004-09-26 12:18 PM

Woah...speechless by this poem. I enjoyed it so much, it was so emotional and I could relate as well.
Great job! This one is going into my library.

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

5 posted 2004-09-26 12:24 PM

wow i really enjoyed this poem.the way your emotions were expressed made me kinda feel it and think b/c i had a good friend who is no longer w/ us and i just wonder what she was going thro and this poem made me think of her... thanks for the good read

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