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Teen Poetry #7

Guilty (unrequited)

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-07-21 09:09 PM

chase bones as if nothing matters,
you dog.
enter into my eyes only to flatter,
you dog.
stay breathless and blue with the latter,
you dog.

Speak in tongues and plagiarize every
click of your teeth, every passing of your lip[s]
Flail in every direction until you are pulled
limb into limb, cavity into space.
I am lost inside of the hallways in my mind,
Am I a dog to be toyed with or a god to be feared unto,
the only difference lies in the order of letters,
so close unto me,
so far only to bleed...lies.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-07-22 12:34 PM

Awesome. I loved it.

The ending especially.
But i dont really know what to say to help you get better. You are already an amazing writer.

Kissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2004-07-22 12:36 PM

thanks kissa, i really appreciate your opinion and input.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2004-07-24 03:22 PM

hmmm....I enjoyed this.
the comparision to a dog...nicely done...it was sort of weak at parts, but I think I liked it, mostly.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2004-07-25 11:17 PM

K-I-C-K
A-S-S-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oneoneonetwo!

lol

niiiiiiiccceeee poem man

I liked it a lot. Nice comparison. I was wondering "the hell is this guy thinkin" through the beginning lol -and as the poem flowed it totally revealed itself to me.

~sort of like my girlfriend HAHA!~

enehweh- this one was superb

peAce

I left my wallet in El Segundo...
And I gotta get it
I got got to get it!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2004-07-27 10:06 AM

thanks man, this one was just kinda out there for me at frist then it came together

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