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Teen Poetry #7
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Catalyst (Updated)
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Catalyst (Updated) |
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Cinderelly Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189NM, USA |
Graduation has come and went emotions spent Mistakes were made, tears were shed, lessons learned (High School) One day tainted (melancholy) not with the expected relief. Parties that night lack glitter lingering with questions, routine "What if . . . ?" Time to celebrate too lost in the cliché of goodbye to drink to the night, so here’s to you and all your lies. Fairytales told (the tale that escape your lips, leave me broken) Pictures capture the emptiness, looking whole only in the one with you. (You relieve of me this deep seated sadness fill the gaping void in my heart. You know none of this unaware of what’s beyond the surface smile.) As I watch you sitting on the patio lost in the drunken release of freedom, I begin to miss what I never had. *Once again random thoughts, no structure, no pretense . . . Suggestions welcome* |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jamie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
Well, I'm having a hard time understanding what you are trying to get across. It had good wording and at some times I could understand but the soul point of the poem I'm not getting. Like I said, I liked some of the wording, maybe putting it in a different order might help? "If ever you think of me out of the blue, just remember it's all the kisses I've blown in the air finally catching up with you!" |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is amazing..... its like when your sobering up and you get all the 'omigod what did i do last night' and 'why did i do that'...... then coming into the what else happened last night questions popping up and around in your head.... i think this is written amazingly and i know exactly what its like going through this.... ive done it many times.... keep up the writing Mel so this is me but what do you care about that???? |
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