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Teen Poetry #7
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Driveway Dreams
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Driveway Dreams |
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Cinderelly Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189NM, USA |
Driveway Dreams Awesome Night . . . Came and picked me, just started driving around. Headed up Museum Hill, Swerving, almost going over the guard rail. The view of Santa Fe breath-taking. Talked about everything. Feel like I can tell him anything. His house, video games, a bet or two later . . . Kill Bill. A bad movie but beside the point. He fell asleep, so cute when he sleeps! Reached for my hand, amidst a world of dreams I just about died. 2 am, the night ended in my driveway "All I wanted was this . . ." and leaned in. Keep replaying that moment over in my mind. Can see pain in the near future . . . Late night drives always end where they begin, under a street light, all alone Shards of my broken heart hit the driveway as he pulled away. -Just random thoughts about one of the best nights I've had. I really need help on this one! Suggestions totally welcome- |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jamie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
very nice, i like the way you didn't let the cheese out, which is very easy to do on writing on topics like this. Collen |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
wow..interstingg keep it upp I will do anything ,not to hurt you, who ever hurts you ,is my enemy until i die... |
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Rommance_Touch Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 97 |
Nice...Its like yr recruit a story ~~Rommance_Touch~~ ~~Not_Ended~~ !!G_w_5!! |
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sparrow139 Junior Member
since 2004-05-13
Posts 18UK |
"Late night drives always end where they begin, under a street light, all alone Shards of my broken heart hit the driveway as he pulled away. " I particularly liked this end part of the poem. I'm not quite sure why, there's just something about it which had a real effect on me. I like the way the poem is structed, all broken up. I guess thats meant to show something like your broken heart? In any case, a good poem.  [sparrow] |
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Stepharoo Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149Washington, USA |
I like it a lot!!! Great Job! |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
cute, really cute...descriptive too "If ever you think of me out of the blue, just remember it's all the kisses I've blown in the air finally catching up with you!" |
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blackandwhitehorizon Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183an akward state of mind |
I guess this would sound nice if it flowed a little more fluently, but honestly i really like it how it is! It is kind of random and choppy, but it really shows how those feelings burst into your head, the memories of one night, fastforwarded in your mind, and slowing down at the climax moment.... I like how this one turned out. nice  "love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die" |
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blackandwhitehorizon Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183an akward state of mind |
I guess this would sound nice if it flowed a little more fluently, but honestly i really like it how it is! It is kind of random and choppy, but it really shows how those feelings burst into your head, the memories of one night, fastforwarded in your mind, and slowing down at the climax moment.... I like how this one turned out. nice "love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die" |
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