»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
Possibility
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
Possibility |
|
|
Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going 
|
Possibility The day has grown old the windows shiver from the unrelenting cold and all i can do is think of you across that ocean of asphalt hearing your voice as it wraps around my ear floods in images of you that brings me to tears so many things i should have said yet when my mouth moved to yell everything to the world my screams came whispering out in pen movements that i only hoped you would read the day has grown old m'lady and all i can do is fantasize of the possibility that keeps me drawn to you yeah not the best in the world. thus i need some comments to make it better. hope you like it nice use of muffin |
||
| © Copyright 2004 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
i was kind of forced to write this poem in class so i need some comments to improve it. anything will be appreciated nice use of muffin |
||
|
tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
I thought it was a good poem, very good imagery. There is one spot I would change to bring alittle more meaning and understanding and flow to it though. "yet when my mouth moved to yell everything to the world my screams came whispering out" I think if you changed it to... yet when my mouth moved to yell everything to the world the screams came whipsering out. it would help it! Good poem though! keep it up! "If ever you think of me out of the blue, just remember it's all the kisses I've blown in the air finally catching up with you!" |
||
|
sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
wow ,,,amazingg............ I will do anything ,not to hurt you, who ever hurts you ,is my enemy until i die... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
