»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
Label me Yardwaste
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
Label me Yardwaste |
|
|
Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going 
|
Label me Yard waste You've got no man to call your own and i have no woman alright friends it is then here's my heart for tenderizing with a chainsaw toss it into a doggy bag to eat a little later toss me away into a blue rubber maid and label me yard waste so the trash man can throw me down in in the dumps where i am anyway or maybe you could slap me once or thrice I'll be alright just could you give me back my pride, dignity, feelings, and my sandwich at least the sandwich or maybe just kick me where the sun doesn't shine so i can undoubtedly say that this has been the worst day no the best in the world. this is more of a rant than anything. please comment people, i beg you nice use of muffin |
||
| © Copyright 2004 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
wow wow ...awesome keep it upp///gr8 workkk A Friend's love says: |
||
|
Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
I beg that you not call this a rant.  I love it, the humor is great. Your disgust comes through with such bitterness and sarcasm. Excellent. I like the part about your sandwhich. The end was great as well. Very entertaining. ~LEX |
||
|
chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Don_Juan-- You have a very strong conviction throughout your poem, and it's well established from the beginning. I do have a small suggestion, though: perhaps you could consider making some of the lines longer instead of breaking up a complete thought? In some instances, it's appropriate, but be careful; you want to make sure the reader gets the entire message. Other than that, it's well written. "or maybe you could slap me once or thrice" Found these two lines interesting...why not twice? :P Keep up the good work, ranter.  --Leah |
||
|
Rommance_Touch Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 97 |
He DON its a nice as a poem...its a mockery one...like a Girl who slap a man..in my view..its distgusting....Ok Sandwish im hungry, lol im kidding its funny |
||
|
Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
thank you all for taking the time to read and comment on the poem |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
