Teen Poetry #7 |
Nothing Left |
lilibeelee Member
since 2001-07-12
Posts 143 |
This pain cuts inside me It hurts me My vision gets blurry I can't speak I try and escape From this every day madness You follow me Where ever I go Leave me at peace Please go away Is destruction the anwser To make it all disapear I can't feel normal When you make me feel so bad This sinking feeling I get It makes me want to leave Makes me want to give up On everything we started Everything we were You pull me into your world Without any warning And now I am in too deep Too deep to breathe and move I sit here all alone And theres no one eft to blame I hide my face I hide my tears I hide myself from shame I feel lost I am dead To you I am nothing To me I am what I am I look at where to point the finger And I shouldnt look to far It's starring straight back at me Can't deny this now I should of given up a while ago But I figure I would wait Nothing left to wait for Nothing left to give I am weak I am empty My head spins My mind drops Collected tears Of all the years I have been so burned Am I done? Is this done? There is nothing left to give My soul Nothing left to drain My heart is tired My body is done I give up now There is no more No more of me Nothing left to give You took it all |
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© Copyright 2004 Lisa - All Rights Reserved | |||
WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
Wow, this is so powerful. I felt every word. I can really relate to this right now. If you just need someone to vent at, feel free to email me. Thanks for sharing. W.W. |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
wow..this is amazing...keep up the great workkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!! lovezz peace |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
lilibeelee-- I thought you really captured the emotion in this piece very well within your words. My only critique for this is how you organized the stanzas. I felt that the stanzas could be lengthened; the shortness of them made the poem seem choppy, and I felt myself having to go back and read the previous stanza to get the full effect of your words. For example: "This sinking feeling I get It makes me want to leave Makes me want to give up On everything we started Everything we were. You pull me into your world Without any warning And now I am in too deep Too deep to breathe and move." Connecting similar ideas into a longer stanza makes the poem so much easier to read. Other than that, I think you have a lot of potential. I hope to see you writing more and posting on these forums! --Leah |
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