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Teen Poetry #7

embossed name

Censored
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 86

0 posted 2004-05-03 04:02 PM

Laying there in the dark…
Starring at the ceiling,
She writes his name in the air, drawing out the letters with her finger.
She whispers, 'I love you' to herself
His voice echoes back, 'I love you too'
In those last few minutes before sleep,
Her imagination runs wild, taking her and the embossed name along for the ride.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-05-03 04:19 PM

well done. the whole premise of this is very interesting. i enjoyed it for the most part. the only thing that i didn't like too much was the reply of the voice back to her. the " i love you too" part. i think that it would be more interesting if you could leave it more ambigious.
-alex

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2004-05-03 07:05 PM

This poem is kinda different than other ones I've seen, but nonetheless I loved it! It had kind of a mysterious sort of feeling to me. Great job!!!!

~Alli~

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

3 posted 2004-05-03 09:05 PM

wwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooow awesome poem...keep it uppp

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