Dark Poetry #4 |
Depression |
PainBaneChaos Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150The point of no return |
I Won't Relent. Every cell strains, screams in defiance of you. The game of tug-of-war we play, you're pulling me about with casual indifference. My hands are on fire, I Won't Let Go. Resistence in my eyes Intense, matched only by the cold impartiality that you thrive on. And every muscle in my body Pulling, Straining. Rendered useless one by one as you cut through my defenses. And the searing anger, my life line, whithers and dies out, freezing from your cold touch. Glazing over as the resounding truth hits home. I've Lost. |
||
© Copyright 2004 Chaos - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
"indifferentiality" not a word, try...indifference. "And every muscle in my body pulling and straining." the and is not needed and detracts the end was semi powerful. the poem...vague and distant. still...good expression of frusteration. I know this feeling well. |
||
PainBaneChaos Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150The point of no return |
I know it's not a word, but it sounded like it should be one. So I made it one. I do that sometimes. When my teachers yell about I tell them it's poetic license and they simply laugh, so it works. ^_^ I know it's a little vague. It's kind of supposed to be. I wanted people to fill in the blanks with their own thoughts. Whether I actually acheived that or not is an entirely different matter, however. |
||
darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
loved it amazing ending and i personally love the whole "poetic lisense" thing. u really are talented loveandempathy darkness nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
||
PainBaneChaos Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150The point of no return |
Yet again, thanks darkness. ^_^ |
||
Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Wow, wow, wow. Loved the tug-of-war bit. Hollow. "Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian |
||
⇧ top of page ⇧ | ||
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |