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Dark Poetry #4
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Ashes
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Ashes |
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Defective Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 73Salisbury NC |
Ashes ashes it all falls down. Pain is not the word that you've given to me and sometimes I'd like to see You dead. Instead you left me in a locked cage to be alone in viewing the wake of our relationship and I wish that you could've been there. It was beautiful. We could have worked it out... The flowers red and yellow yet it felt so dark and people talking faintly secrecy they didn't want me to hear while standing right over me. "He left her on a Sunday Monday she wept Tuesday he wasn't back Wednesday she slept she was finally going..." "Thursday she cut Friday she screamed Saturday she made arrangements for her little girl scribbled on cardboard, it didn't matter someone would find it." "The Sunday paper read her name I wish there was something that I could do" You got ready to see me one last time geled your hair and tucked in your shirt even bought roses for the special occasion but didn't step out of your car. You didn't miss much. The place was full of pity and I could not bear I watched my baby in her grandpa's lap and I tried to touch her hair. All the whispering... I'm sorry Sweety, I'm still here... As for you, I can't believe I let it all get to me and you know that I gave you my all. I told you I couldn't live without you... You said the same but seem to be fine to me and I can recognize a lie now that I see one. I hope one day you can realize your part in this and I hope you find peace with yourself... Ashes ashes we all fall down. [This message has been edited by Defective (08-10-2004 04:28 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Kristen Williams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
I liked the repitition of the first and last stanza, but the other content would have been better I think with..more.... depth...overall though, I liked it. Just my opinion, Ciao, Hollow. "Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian |
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Defective Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 73Salisbury NC |
Thanks, I guess I wrote it a little rushed, it needs some work, but I write what I feel at the time and I try to keep from editing too much. Maybe you'll see it revised one day. |
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