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Dark Poetry #4
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But Now
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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But Now |
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yv Senior Member
since 2003-05-30
Posts 574 |
Since when did I become invisible? Alone in my own shadow What does it mean to be yourself When yourself is the only thing You hae to pretend to be? I cannot keep pretending It means nothing to me Everything he says And does not hear I am here But cannot be seen So what is it I'm missing? Me I'm missing me I need to hear myself Before I listen to anyone else I miss myself I miss being okay Why should I be afraid Of me? I am all I have I know I have nothing I wish I was okay But sadly to say Pain is my only intelligence Yet Even in self-sacrifice I am ignorant I don't even know how to Feel anymore Nothing makes sense anymore I write sad love songs Because the sadness festering on My tomorrow Is all that keeps me company I'm not seen Not heard I'll say a word and be Evenescent Omniscient No longer around I look in the mirror And hate my eyes Anymore All I see is a monster What's so wrong with suicide? What so wrong with being Free? I wouldn't know where to begin To look for a noose To tie around my misery I wouldn't know where to Look for a pistol To blow my mind's eye Away I might as well walk through the sea I might as well fall to the ground Shattering my mirror image And leaving a mirage of What I used to be I used to be nothig Trapped Caged Enraged Afraid Blind Deaf But now I am... Free yv P.S. Critiques are not only welcomed, but begged for. Please be honest and truthful, but be constructive is all I ask. Thanks yv |
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| © Copyright 2004 Camiele - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Very strong. I hope the things that are addressed in this poem aren't all completely true? It's very well done. I liked it! Stay strong. Tomer |
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PKreturns Member
since 2003-07-21
Posts 362New Orleans, LA |
I might as well walk through the sea I might as well fall to the ground Shattering my mirror image And leaving a mirage of What I used to be This was my favorite and I think the most powerful lines. You yv, rock this genre. |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
wow i dont think i cod suggest anything to improve this this is such a hardcore poem. its so powerful. i felt everything in this one. the best ive read in a while. please post more. i know i wod definitly read everyone. stunning loveandempathy darkness nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
Amazing write... I would try and suggest something, but i cant see anything i would change on this poem. It's amazing. Kissa I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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spritrider87 Member
since 2003-05-31
Posts 294NH |
when you talked about suiced was when i truely realized that what you wrote not only applies to me but is also me. with everything i am i am still nothing, invisable to even myself. and every bitter feeling deep within is directed at only me. keep writing and hopefuly i'll be around to keep reading. [email protected] that is my e-mail. if you want to talk just write. jian "alone yet unafraid to hurt. i go through every day trying to find my way. where is the light. where is my fight. is this how it ends?" |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
I wish I could find something to constructively critique in this...well, I was too busy agreeing with you and admiring your work =) actually I think you left out a letter in one of your words...but that was the only thing I found. =) keep it up...sometimes we are our own worst critiques. - River Running out of pain |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Everything has been said, so I just want to say wow, and please post more. I've saved this and am searching for the rest of yours. Hollow. "Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian |
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