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Dark Poetry #4
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Rest in Peace.
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Rest in Peace. |
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Soul Sepulchre Junior Member
since 2003-10-19
Posts 29Tennessee, USA |
((Please, people, I want a lot of feedback on this poem, good or bad. Thanks.)) Rest in Peace... My child; As the sun sets o'er the hill. There'll be no more pain... For you; Or Hellish days gone by. Rest easy my child... And always smile; For you shall be remembered. No! Do not touch the darkness... There is light ahead; Open your heart and know its grace. The tombstone seems to glow... Are you giving me a sign? What is it you wish me to know? Your silence I cannot bare... Why did this have to be? Why are you taken from me? Surely God has a plan... For he is kind and good; He would not do me wrong. Rest in peace... My child; As the sun sets o'er the hill. I wish that you could hear... That you knew my final words; But alas, it cannot be. Go in peace... My child; May you find comfort. I wish good things for you... The best the Lord can offer; For now I must go. I can hear his voice calling... Calling me home; As the casket is lowered. Goodbye my child... I will see you soon; When he calls you home as well. And never forget... My child; I love you so. Jeremy - |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jeremy McDonald - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
I really like this. I loved the ending, very awesome. ~Vampire Kisses  I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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click1 Member
since 2003-03-25
Posts 152usa |
Nice twist? Good job! "It is finished." Click |
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darkstar Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 230Port Richey, Fl, USA |
I really liked it escpecially the ending. That little twist made it super good  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
good ending |
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GeorgiaPaver Junior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 15Savannah, GA |
Soul, I feel you on this one, no one else will know our pain until they have walked in our shoes. Very nice poem...keep it up |
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Soul Sepulchre Junior Member
since 2003-10-19
Posts 29Tennessee, USA |
Ah, thank you for the replies...I was hoping for more. Go, tell your friends to view this and reply. As for you GeorgiaPaver...I'm only seventeen. I have felt no pain of this such...but something drove me to write this poem. Go figure. Jeremy - |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
mm, this is interesting...sad...it's good that you havn't felt it personally but i feel bad for those that have. as for good or bad, i think this could be improved a little bit, i'm not sure how exactly, but if you shortened it a little bit and put more potency into the words it would be more catchy and tear jerky. just a thought. oh, by the way, are you Cayce's Jeremy? (i mean, where you) just wondering. - River sleep my precious slumber |
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Soul Sepulchre Junior Member
since 2003-10-19
Posts 29Tennessee, USA |
Well, this was written in a matter of five minutes or so, but yeah, thanks for the criticism. As for Cayce, she's a poser, and I wish people wouldn't mention her name around me. God only knows what type of crap she's been spreading. |
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*Inque Monroe* Junior Member
since 2003-10-18
Posts 43No where special |
River, he was sadly Cayce's but now Jeremy and I have been dating for over 14 months and are now engaged. As for the poem baby, its really good. :-D What does it matter, we will all die in the end anyway. |
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