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Dark Poetry #4
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Baby's First Coffin
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Baby's First Coffin |
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gpc Junior Member
since 2003-03-01
Posts 43 |
Staking time into the gust of wind to the face. Never returning, favors take the prison to the man. I could promise the world if we could travel through time. Don’t back out here. Now relax and remember the promise of the sign. I wish you could see yourself now...you look at me like a child... The way you glide across the room, it’s drama of seduction. Let go of it, Repunsel. Let it down. Aim for the signal then bring it down with a smile....now... Become the conductor... The way you slide across the room...how wonderful. A connection and the last cut still bleeds as good as the first one does. It’s just the opening seed of a new flame. I look at you like a child but not at all like you looked at me... I'm not going to offer up any explanations as I'd like to know what feelings it brings up in people before I let out this particular poem's little secret. |
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| © Copyright 2004 gpc - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
Umm..... wow. I dont know what to say. It looks to me like you just wrote what you felt.... about something. I am not so sure what. ~lol~ I liked it though. The mysteriousness is really awesome!!! ~Vampire Kisses  I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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darkstar Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 230Port Richey, Fl, USA |
awesome... |
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Vagabond Member
since 2004-01-23
Posts 163 |
I only like the end i did undwerstand and could not get into it. Sorry Vagabon the Lost One |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
this looks like it could be part of a middle scene in a dark film. maybe horror, maybe drama or both. it doesn't seem as much of a poem as a script to me because of this, but either way, it is different. keep writing =). - River |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
hmm. wow. i really liked this one. i sorta felt romance, but the dark, tainted, jaded type of romance. it was definitly dark and i felt i had to read it over and over. i read it three times, and each i got a chill and a crawling sensation in my spine. amazing that someone can make that happen to you with no more then words. definitly loved it. very very hardcore keep rockin darkness You can always hear a tear in Cobain's voice, the pain going on there is always visible through his lyrics - Marilon Manson |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
you need to be a little more concise with youe metaphores "So what befalls the flawless? |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
I get depressed alot and usually when i read a poem my head beats me up if i have to read it more than once and then again if i still don't understand and usually in most poems theres a point of pause to take in the previous bit of information then to add it to the next. but this is a giant block of poetry and my mind feels dry and wet at the same time for reading it. The title did catch me though. It kinda put a sick little shine in my eye at first glance. I'm gonna go back over it again until i figure out what the hell your talking about. GIS Why live for gold when you can be happy? |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
it sounds like a suicide and a birth in the middle of a script in something like a Stephen King meets Dr.Suss. Its pretty cool. GIS Why live for gold when you can be happy? |
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