The Someone I Fear - pipTalk Forums

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Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

0 posted 2004-02-06 12:14 PM

Sadistic bounds of unlade love,
Angry hours of merciful dove,
Showers of pain and wounds unhealed,
He is the someone I came to fear.

Angelic-like substance of cruel beauty,
Moments of peace and seconds of unity,
Storms of passion and lions lair,
He is the someone I came to fear.

The hurt of souls and visible madness,
The feelings and stalkers of my unspoken sadness,
Navigate rage into shoulders that bear,
He is the someone that I came to fear.

The end of the tether and the bottom of hope,
The end of the road where there is no more rope,
I hang on to life but remember the despair,
And the someone that I came to fear.

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

1 posted 2004-02-06 10:28 AM

I couldn't even finish this. I read the first two lines and was blown over by how forced the rhyme is.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

2 posted 2004-02-07 04:57 PM

WOW
YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION
THIS IS AMAZING
IT IS ONE OF THE BEST POEMS I AHVE READ AT THIS SITE!!!

i cant explain how good this poem is and even if tried to it wouldnt be doing it any justice!!

it just has so many elements it is beuatiful! its got imagrey, metaphors and repitition, but not boring repitition, repition that caused suspense!

this is amazing amazing stuff.
post more as soon as possible!

thanks alot for shariung this with us, and welcome to pip!

keep rockin

darkness

You can always hear a tear in Cobain's voice, the pain going on there is always visible through his lyrics - Marilon Manson

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

3 posted 2004-02-08 01:24 AM

Hey there!  Welcome to PiP!

This is a wonderful first post from you.  The repetition of the last stanza lines worked quite well.  And I don't necessarily agree with the rhymes being that forced.

Enjoy your time here.  Take a look around; I hope you like what you find.

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

4 posted 2004-02-08 11:21 AM

Welcome to Passions,,,,
the second line is a bit hard to get into the picture,,,
all in all, good work,
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

5 posted 2004-02-09 12:37 PM

Hey guys,
Thanks for your awesome feedback. I love Pip, haven't been here for long but already it is the best site. Yeah the second line is pretty confusing, but as the dove means the symbol of love, and merciful means forgiving i guess i meant;

Angry hours of forgiving love,

im not sure,
lol,
anyway thanks

Vagabond
Member

since 2004-01-23

Posts 163

6 posted 2004-02-09 03:50 PM

i haven been here long ether but it is really good, so is the poem

Vagabon the Lost One

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

7 posted 2004-02-09 08:21 PM

Very nice, keep up the good work! Grover.

silhouetted
Senior Member

since 2004-01-30

Posts 537
New Zealand

8 posted 2004-02-09 10:50 PM

LOVED IT SOO MUCH COURTZ

OMG ARRRGGH Y CANT I WRITE THAT GOOD

U ROCK HARD OUT SISTA
KEEP IT UP MATE

SOO GLAD I GOT U ON THIS LOL

UR GONA LOVE IT

LOR

Silhouetted by Deception

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

9 posted 2004-02-10 12:30 PM

I cant tell u guys how much all this means to me. I mean my folks dont understand the stuff i write and they think its rubbish.

Lor i am so glad to be on this too,
i owe u a huge thanks,
Come on love, ur way betta at this stuf than me!

Hollow

P.S: Can u guys tell me how to get a signature?

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

10 posted 2004-02-10 12:54 PM

In the Members Area/Help link at the top of your page, then click on Change Your Profile. There is a little spot just for your signature.

Gothika_07
Member

since 2004-01-15

Posts 61
new zealand

11 posted 2004-02-10 02:17 AM

HEY well as usaul im a bit L8 in welcoming u 2 PIP but WELCOME!
lovd this poem extra-ordinary man!
Lovd it so much
bex

Mad_Hatter
Member

since 2003-06-29

Posts 393
Canada

12 posted 2004-02-10 07:24 PM

Welcome to PIP and a good poem, the rhyme may have been a little forced, but not terrible by any means. I liked it

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