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Endlessecho
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 398
I live within myself

0 posted 2004-01-16 03:05 PM

Music fills every centimeter
of this small room
where she lived
all her short little life.
And records and CDs
filter through
every spare square
of corner and floor.
Pastel blues and purples
Contrast the black, black night.
This closet traps in all the light.
And keeps it in the walls
so you still can’t feel it
standing in the middle of the room.
The walls are warm
But everyone and everything in the room
shivers.
Cold like the pale moon.
Like her pale face.
No red hue exists.
The sun has set.
And coldness has blanketed
This tiny shell of a place.

Asian Rain
Member

since 2003-10-11

Posts 73

1 posted 2004-01-16 03:42 PM

I really like this a lot! Very dark but with a polished and delicate touch. Lines that jumped out at me:

"This closet traps in all the light.
And keeps it in the walls"

Can't wait to read more of your work!

Gothika_07
Member

since 2004-01-15

Posts 61
new zealand

2 posted 2004-01-16 04:45 PM

atsounding i really thought it was a work of art.
my favourite line is.

"And coldness has blanketed
This tiny shell of a place."

xxgothikaxx

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

3 posted 2004-01-16 04:55 PM

nice write =) me likes.

- River

rest upon existence. seek life,
and forever never die.

bslicker

Member Elite

since 2000-12-04

Posts 2321
state of mind

4 posted 2004-01-16 06:29 PM

this piece is very well wrote
good job.
bernie

A smile a day keeps the world in smile's.
Bernie Slicker

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

5 posted 2004-01-17 01:39 AM

hardcore man, hardcore.
love it

i love how you hav to kinda think about it to totally get it, but i rekon i mighta got it

keep posting

darkness

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

6 posted 2004-01-17 09:36 AM

EndlessEcho~

'This closet traps in all the light.
And keeps it in the walls
so you still can’t feel it
standing in the middle of the room.'

GREAT thought lines ...~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><
<EMAIL>noles1@totcon

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

7 posted 2004-01-17 03:18 PM

Grr..Margie-girl always steals my favorite lines!! (winks to you hun)...

I've had the feeling...and love seeing you post in dark...I've been gone too long!

take care
~D

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

Endlessecho
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 398
I live within myself

8 posted 2004-01-19 03:59 PM

Thank you everyone for replying and enjoying the poem. I haven't been in the dark poetry forum in forever. It's good to be back!

Margie & devina - Thank you for your comments.  That's my favorite part of the poem too.

darkness - hi.  I'm glad you liked it.  Always good when a poem gets you thinking.

bernie & river - Thanks!

Gothika - Thank you so much for your very flattering reply.  I'm so glad you were touched by it.

Asian Rain - I love your writing style.  I'm glad you appreciated mine as well.

Vagabond
Member

since 2004-01-23

Posts 163

9 posted 2004-01-27 12:11 PM

simply put it's very good

Vagabon the Lost One

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

10 posted 2004-01-27 06:30 PM

nice write

"So what befalls the flawless?
Look what I've built, it shines so beautifully now watch as it destroys me."

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

11 posted 2004-02-23 03:08 AM

I felt this one

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