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Dark Poetry #4
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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas 
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When I hit the floor I want to tell you I want more and I want to tell you That I'm drowning in the perspiration From the glass's condensation Sitting on the cork coaster up there Up there by eye stare to eye stare From me to you and you to it And it to me without you and it Here, here where the carpet stains Stained by me, me just here, here There where the glass sweats and grins Grins with mundanity, smug civility And Through It I See You simper, sneer, and snidely depart After knocking over both me And the cork coastered sweating glass With your one-barreled promise Never Alicat 12-21-03 |
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| © Copyright 2003 Alastair Adamson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! I've missed reading you Alicat. Keeping this one. Maree  fate is not just |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Nicely done, I enjoyed it alot. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Zing! Excellent, Ali! |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Thanks guys! Not sure where this one came from, but there it was, ready to be written whether I willed it or not. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Will some more of these, m'friend. Excellent..... CB 8) |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
hey, this was very kool, powerful, and i liked how you slowed down some of the words to single lines, I've done that a few times, it's pretty kool, lol. again, this is solid, very nice. loved it. - River Love hurts as bad as it feels good. |
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wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
very nice |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*cause you KNOW I was here*  |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Nice.... Hollow. Courtney. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
wow brilliant! love and empathy darkness nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
when I wake upon the floor fingers greeding need for more wishing water in the glass that held the bile of my relapse dreading movement of the head thinking I am live and dead spitting fur far from the tongue as I am old and pleading young mistakes within a chalice held loosely in the hand. Hope you don't mind too much. I knew where this came from and felt compelled to share.  |
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Ladycat 
since 1999-07-05
Posts 782At the edge and a doorway,TX |
You don't know where that cam from... What are you talking about? You have a world that is stored in your head for all the things that you write. I really think that there is a little alien in there doing all the writing for you and you just don't want to share with the rest of us. Anyway, I enjoyed the piece. Though I had to read it again since I seemed to have lost the feeling half way through it, but once I got that I loved it. Thank you for the read. Love, Ladycat "Everything changes, everything stays the same."-Bill Austin |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Good Lord, Ali . . . one day I only hope to have half of your insight. |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Wow that was actually kinda fun to read. It has a since of humor all its own, or it could be mad... lol Nice write. -GIS He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11 |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
YES! now thats exactly what i like to read!!! *applause* |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
"That I'm drowning in the perspiration From the glass's condensation Sitting on the cork coaster up there Up there by eye stare to eye stare" these lines set the rythem of the poem, i wouls almost like to see each line of the poem have this same consistancey...these lines really nail it on the head everything about this poem starts with these lines, which is also why i thnk your poem starts here. also i dont know if 'and' 'through' 'it' 'i' 'see' all deserve their own lines (but im kinda werid about things like that)...but good write i wnjoyed reading this very much Awake through motion with curiosity to curtain your first move |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
too sad I knew someone who lived this - when I read this I can see her world and it hurts because shes dead. She died from her world - and left my cousins without a mother. aarg its so frustrating. |
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