the places we were together

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NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

0 posted 2008-09-21 03:00 PM

" untitled "

i don't know what to do
i keep finding myself here
in the places we were together
i remember it was raining
last time we were here
i miss you
so many regrets
can it be helped
i whisper to you in the moonlight
can you here me
i still love you
im sitting here thinking of you
and the times we spent together
i don't know what to do
how i wish you would come back to me
i still cry sometimes
though we were a while ago
without you i just feel alone
no matter where i go
i know your not going to be there
im still crying over you
i loved you for too long
how do i move on
i keep losing myself here
in these memories of you
i remember being happier then
i miss you
so time has passed
it cant be helped
how i wish youd come back to me
im still waiting for you to open your eyes

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

1 posted 2008-09-30 11:02 PM

I found this poem lacking in originality, to be quite honest. The only thing that stood out about it was the ending. It was reminiscent of Phil Collins' song "Dreaming While you Sleep."

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

Didymus
Junior Member

since 2008-05-01

Posts 33
USA

2 posted 2008-10-04 08:08 PM

Fractal007 is correct there is nothing origlinal with human grief.
Greif is as fundamental as breath.  It comes to us all!  We survive.  Embrace it!  Roll yourself in it's aweful embrace.  It will pass. Write of it.  Do whatever it takes to stand with it.  If the neigbors are complainers shove your face into a pillow and scream until your vocal cords are raw.

You will survive.  One day life will return and that which was will dwell in it's rightful place within your heart and you will move on.  You will move on with life!
Joy will return.  You must believe for it is as true as any human being is true.

The earth is round so that we may not see too far ahead.
Didymus

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

3 posted 2008-10-04 10:31 PM

Didymus:
I'm glad you could offer such advice. I don't think I was offering commentary on grief being unoriginal. Indeed, what you've said about it could be said of any human emotion. Perhaps we might construct a metaphor here. Emotions are the colours with which the canvas of experience is painted. Not one of those colours is original, nor is it at all exciting to contemplate on its own. But apply it to a half-finished canvas....that's a different story.

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

axi
Junior Member

since 2008-11-16

Posts 43
NewYork

4 posted 2008-11-18 10:40 AM

i really like the simpleness of the emotions in this poem...i think a lot of people can relate to this scenario, especially myself these days...i bet this rolled right out of you...well done

Ethan Halo
Senior Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 793
on the roof again

5 posted 2008-11-19 03:34 AM

i seem to have the opposite problem and can't stop running into my ex.

and it produces the same feelings.

if i knew any way to move on faster, i'd share it with you.
i hope your writing helps.

enjoyed.

The soul is oftentimes a battlefield where reason and judgement wage war on passion and appetite.

NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

6 posted 2008-11-28 02:00 PM

i know it isn't the most original piece, but i cant help but feel that way some times. usually im fine but there are days, idk i mean its not like i ever forgot, some days i just remember so vividly and it makes my heart aches. death took them from me its not like we just decided to go our different ways that i could get over but the way things ended my heart cant seem to let go.

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