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Dark Poetry #4
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Bury me
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Bury me |
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NormalitxButterfly Member
since 2008-07-09
Posts 107 |
"Bury me" mama bury me and my guns in the ground i cant use them anymore caught in a web of lies i cant escape this time i cant remember what you said when i was young but i learned when i fall no ones gonna catch me and i fell too far this time i don't know if i'm ok mama bury me and the burden i was to you you don't need it anymore caught in a past that wont let me go i'm to week to fight this time i didn't listen to the things you said when i was young but i learned i didn't have anyone to count on times running out i wonder how much more i can take mama bury me and the child you wanted me to be it doesn't matter anymore caught in an illusion i cant be perfect for you you don't remember but i grew up already while i was young its too late to change caught in time i cant turn back i cant rewind but i leaned this isn't who i want to be and i'm tired of living this lie i wonder has the time come mama bury me with three white roses and let me sleep forever |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Oh man. I love this poem and unlike a lot of the writing here this one actually came close to making me cry. It's hard to make me cry so consider that a compliment. Let's turn to some of the details. The address to the mother whom we are told implicitly was not there for the speaker is well-done:
The last part of your poem is creates a sense of hope as much as it creates one of hopelessness, and that's why I loved this poem so much:
I hear hope here because the speaker appears to be concluding that he/she has found her own path in life, but at the same time there is a resignation about the lie that living up to the ideals around the speaker has created. Is the poem something of a suicide note? I tend not to think so. Rather it is an expression of the pain that personal evolution so often entails. The speaker is destroying his/her mother's dreams by transcending them but that transcendence is expressed through the language of suicidal misery. Wonderfully done. Some constructive critiques: Your spelling needs some improvement, as in this example:
And did you mean learned? "but i leaned" Life's short. Think hard! |
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NormalitxButterfly Member
since 2008-07-09
Posts 107 |
thank you very much for your comment and for taking the time to read my poerty. im glad that my poem touched you. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Why this post isn't getting any more replies I don't know. It's one of her best IMHO Life's short. Think hard! |
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