Dark Poetry #4 |
For Your Kids. |
s1nfully_1nn0c3nt Senior Member
since 2003-10-26
Posts 1105Watertown, NY |
Stop It Mommy I'm Sorry That I Cry I Don't Know Any Better I Don't Quite Understand - Wrong From Right Help Me Mommy Please Stop This Man He May Be My Father But He Hits Me With His Hand I Can't Take It Much Longer It Might Be Too Much To Bare One Day He'll Go Too Far And It'll Be Too Late To Care You're Supposed To Love Me, Mommy And Shelter Me With Your Arms Correct Me The Right Way Keep Me Safe From Harm I'm Just A Kid I Didn't Ask For This Don't Let Anyone Abuse Me Or I'll End Up Being Someone You Miss I'm Not A Punching Bag I Can't Defend Myself I Can't Do It Alone So Mommy Please, Think of My Health Todays A Slap Tomorrow - A Punh Soon My Bone Will Break And It'll Hurt A Bunch They Said The Safest Place Is Between My Mommy and Me But You Just Sit There So How Could That Be Don't You Hear Me Cry Can't You Feel My Pain Save Me Mommy, Please Before It Happens Again Do You Really Love Me? Is This Some Kind of Game If It Is, Then I Quit I No Longer Want To Play When I Grow Up Big And Strong It'll Be Too Late To Protect Me And You Will End Up Alone I'll Take Care of Myself Like You Never Did And In The End You'll Regret Never Standing Up For Your Kids I Thought of You Today, |
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© Copyright 2008 TrinaMarie73 - All Rights Reserved | |||
fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
The constant capitalization in this poem is hard on the eyes. I felt like I was reading a very long book title (akin to one of those book titles from older books, where a huge description was included as part of the title). Also, some of the lines are weak: "I'll End Up Being Someone You Miss" Don't sacrifice good wording and dramatic effect for rhyme. That's my humble opinion. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
ruff poem.. but very well written.I agree with the rhyme thing thow... it doesnt have to rhyme it would still be good either way. Krysti |
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