Darkness with the Breaking of Light

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Again
Junior Member

since 2008-05-13

Posts 47

0 posted 2008-05-13 06:41 PM

I would like feed back on this poem...it just came out today, first draft, no editing, nothing. This is my first attempt at poetry in a while, so please be gentle but honest. =)

Please don't blame me
I'm keeping to myself
Till we meet again
Can't you see I am all alone
And there is no one but you
I wait for your phone call
But you're never home
I keep thinking we will be together
Again in another time or place
How can you say I never loved you
I gave you all of me
Too much of me
Now I am lost in you
You were my world
Still are.
Please don't be this way
Its killing me to know
We might never be again
And that its all my fault.
I gave you my all
Only to watch me fall
Into this abyss.
Where were you?
Why didn't you catch me?
Or break my fall?
Why did you let go of my hand
When I needed you most?
I loved you
But you throw those words away
Like they are not true at all
Well I have news for you
They are all true
And it makes me blue
To think you feel
I played some game
When my heartaches deep within
All I ever wanted was for us to be together forever
Now it scares me to think
It might be never
Please dont cry anymore
I will whipe your tears forever more
Every single one
I will make it better
Read this letter
And you will know
How much I love you
Its true.
No more darkness
Nevertheless
The past cant be changed
So I look to the future
A future with you.

wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

1 posted 2008-06-11 12:42 PM

wow great job for not writing in a while
very deep and emotional good job

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

2 posted 2008-06-16 10:03 PM

I think I read this one already...but obviously I didn't comment..so. I really like the way u ryhmed and the way it still flowed together. Great job.

{~~*~~}

"You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans!...'cuase dat's just how I roll.."
{~Emily~}

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

3 posted 2008-06-23 09:07 PM

cool poem. i think i know how someone else feels now.

midnightdreamer

"It was heaven........right in the center of hell" Bella from New Moon

aZMERE bOHEMIAN nOMAD
Junior Member

since 2008-07-07

Posts 20
I live in the uk but dreaming of a place across the channel

4 posted 2008-07-08 06:19 AM

Interesting read

Again
Junior Member

since 2008-05-13

Posts 47

5 posted 2008-07-10 03:42 AM

Thank you for your comments. They really mean a lot to me and encourage me to keep writing and developing my craft further. Thank you once again. =)

OLIAS
Senior Member

since 2000-06-20

Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa

6 posted 2008-07-10 01:04 PM

well done, I enjoyed the read

Regards
OLIAS

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

7 posted 2008-07-11 05:05 PM

"Why did you let go of my hand
When I needed you most?
I loved you"

This is really good, and yes please do continue to write

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.

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