As I Crumble(working title)

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Dark Poetry #4

As I Crumble(working title)

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

0 posted 2008-03-28 02:41 PM

Darkness shrouding
      time left faceless
dying to the tic tic
      as the seconds click past
My life eroding a little too fast
           to remain stable
  as the foundation crumbles
I stare through the bottom of my glass            sedated
  wondering if i’m still standing
               or am i falling               again
Have i adapted to being hurt?
     or am i numb from repetitious encounters
                of failure?
I curse this place and spit on the ground
              at your feet
where the foundation was            and is no more...

"Pain! With out love, Pain, I can't get enough, Pain,I like it rough cuz i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all" - 'Pain' Three Days Grace

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

1 posted 2008-03-28 05:37 PM

Nice write!!

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

2 posted 2008-03-28 11:38 PM

great read

thanks much

Yoin

Ocean Vuong
Junior Member

since 2008-03-29

Posts 37
NYC

3 posted 2008-03-30 12:23 PM

ahh the potential here. This piece is shouting at me for imagery, the message is strong but the voice cannot stay without sharp imagery.
If this is an abstraction, then unveil your mind! Let us see deeper, sharper, in the pits and roots of that abyss.

keep writing,

best

-ocean

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