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Dark Poetry #4

The black sea

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2008-02-22 12:55 PM

The black sky is the color of my heart
The waves below part

The breeze leaves me with a farewell, salt kiss
This world i'll never miss

Should I drop onto the sea?
This world, farewell, i'll not miss thee

The moon hides his face
My good-bye dress is made out of black lace

I do not belong in this cruel black world
the snow white casps curled.. among the black waters

"Farewell" I'll say with one giant leap
Down to the waters i fall in one heap.

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

1 posted 2008-02-22 06:39 PM

Zach.... chilling. And I enjoy it. Aside from the content, great rhythm. (it's my sick obsession hehe) The last line kind of threw me off... 'fall in one heap'.... the wording doesn't feel right to me.

Great job doll! :-*

~~~May~~~

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2008-02-22 06:52 PM

yeah it sounds weird but i couldnt think of anything that rhymes with "leap" so yeah sorry if it sound creepy. lol

~Zach~

Venus1974
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 79
Tennessee, USA

3 posted 2008-02-22 09:26 PM

I liked it...thanx for sharing

Peace and happiness to us all, Venus

firestorm
Member

since 2008-02-26

Posts 109

4 posted 2008-02-26 11:57 PM

I liked it-very moving

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

5 posted 2008-02-27 08:14 AM

LOVED IT!!!! great peom!!!!!!!
midnightdreamer

black beautiful eyes looking back at me telling me, no fear will show.

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