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Dark Poetry #4
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PrestonThePoet
Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 87


0 posted 2007-11-08 11:08 PM


I thought the world was a good place,
A place to live, a home,
The world is none of that,
I gazed deeply upon this place,
I saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies,
He sobbed for the anguish,
The lost lives and forgotten souls.
  The Lord cries for you, even one tear.
But how cruel is this world?
To take away ones we care for the most,
Stripping us down to the core,
A bare shell of a mere existence,
But then again, it is life, isn’t it?

© Copyright 2007 PrestonThePoet - All Rights Reserved
Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
1 posted 2007-11-09 01:39 AM


"Encourage Critiques: No"

Still you asked.

so I shall.

I liked it... in all honesty I really did.

Still it felt slightly lacking, if you know what I mean.

I got what you were trying to say as my mind thinks like yours does, but you must write even a fraction for those that want to get inside your head.

Give them some meat, the reasons for why you see the world like you do.

Add to your poem, tell us why you think the world is the way it is.

Like I said I understand but I'm a negative son of b.

It's good, it reminds me of me 10 years ago.

That might be a bad thing though...

;-)

Mystress May
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA
2 posted 2007-11-11 08:12 PM


Well doll... I like this. I do see what Seeker means when he says you could expand upon it. A talented soul
The_Nameless_One
Member
since 2007-01-20
Posts 165
Missouri
3 posted 2007-11-20 04:18 PM


go more in depth get all those deep dark depictions of your reality out in the open lay bare your soul
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