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Dark Poetry #4
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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Real Life Fiction |
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PrestonThePoet Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 87 |
I thought the world was a good place, A place to live, a home, The world is none of that, I gazed deeply upon this place, I saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies, He sobbed for the anguish, The lost lives and forgotten souls. The Lord cries for you, even one tear. But how cruel is this world? To take away ones we care for the most, Stripping us down to the core, A bare shell of a mere existence, But then again, it is life, isn’t it? |
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
"Encourage Critiques: No" Still you asked. so I shall. I liked it... in all honesty I really did. Still it felt slightly lacking, if you know what I mean. I got what you were trying to say as my mind thinks like yours does, but you must write even a fraction for those that want to get inside your head. Give them some meat, the reasons for why you see the world like you do. Add to your poem, tell us why you think the world is the way it is. Like I said I understand but I'm a negative son of b. It's good, it reminds me of me 10 years ago. That might be a bad thing though... ;-) |
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Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA |
Well doll... I like this. I do see what Seeker means when he says you could expand upon it. A talented soul  |
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The_Nameless_One Member
since 2007-01-20
Posts 165Missouri |
go more in depth get all those deep dark depictions of your reality out in the open lay bare your soul |
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