Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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0
posted
2007-10-15
01:01 AM
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OK
This one is long an I apologize in advance, if anyone gets to the end I'll give you a cookie.
** Right. I took a few chunks out to shorten it down, there were several sections that really didn't need to be there and it still seems to flow well.
so let me know.
So many years ago
The voices would they whisper
“He seems nice”
“In an odd way”
Something about him that never sat quite right
Maybe it was due to his never being able
To sit quite right
A patchwork copy of the soul
Pasted into the fabric of life
Edges frayed slightly
Not exactly the right color to his surroundings
Still you seemed happy knowing he was going
Even though there was never anything there
How sad for your ignorance to want to throw a person out
Knowing they had no place to go
Just to have them away from your pride and joy
Like cutting cancer out with a butter knife
All the while thinking everything was going to be ok
It always was ok
You just never saw it for what it was
That man was not a drifter
Not a waste of space like he heard you refer to him as
Nor was he out to defile your not so virginal daughter
You lived in ignorance then
I wonder have you ever changed?
That patchwork drifter has
With every passing day
With a meeting of someone new
With every new country he visits
Each and every day does he log into his drifting mind
Those events that now unwind
Driven by emotions to drift, to search
Moved by emotions to carry on
Forever looking for that something
Not love, like you so feared
Not acceptance
The likes I never found
The questions to my answers
I thought Ireland might have held them
I was wrong
Rolling green hills still gave way to ignorant valleys
Cutting deep into the countryside
Like a clumsy man with a butter knife
Carving his way through his daughters soul
Saying his goodbyes the drifter moved on
To be forgotten quickly I’m sure
How strange he never has
His patchwork mind has logged it all down
To remember till the end
The good with the bad
Like black and white paint thrown against a wall
Sliding to the ground in a gray streak of hopelessness
Meeting others from distant countries
Drifting like me
Living for life and earning a keep
Wanting to be able to say one day when we are old
“I lived there once”
My experiences were not of your daughter
Your fears were shadows
Hideously beautiful attempts to keep your little girl from becoming a woman
Blocking the road for a man that claimed nothing but friendship
Your sons knew it
How sad that the teacher could not be taught
You were right about one thing, for a time
I was a homeless man
I wished to be just that but I never took what was not mine
You made me out to be a thief
A leech upon the blood of the innocent
I laughed when I left
A mixture of comedy and tragedy
I was sad to be going knowing I would never return
I was amused at how happy you were to hold the door open
A look of victory on your face
Do you still think with such shallow tones?
Maybe with time you will see the true meaning of life
Maybe not
My time has been well spent
So much more has been learned by the actions and thoughts of others
By the actions and thoughts of myself
I the drifter
That lives in one place now
My search complete
I the drifter
That has a job and a home
A family now
That has memories of countries far away to remember
To tell my son one night before bed
Of places far away
To tell him
“I lived there once”
That shady man never to be trusted
I the drifter
That loves his family
That would give his life so they may live
I the drifter
That drifted into your home
The Devil in a suit
You would have all believe
Your voice so loud God himself could hear
It matters little now
That was then
This is now
I am who I was to be
Still to become
You are?
The same yet a little bit older?
My words may seem bitter
Yet they are not
My words are nothing more than a telling of a tale
Of a man and that guy you hated once
For no real reason at all
[This message has been edited by Seeker72 (10-16-2007 11:07 AM).]
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© Copyright
2007
Christopher Duncan
- All Rights Reserved
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moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
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1
posted
2007-10-15
01:27 AM
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My computer deletes cookies, but I'll read it anyway....
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moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
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2
posted
2007-10-15
01:35 AM
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Holy....quite the tale Seeker...and an excellent job in the retelling. Your abilities humble me....thanks for the read. moon.
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ladylisa
Member
since 2007-04-29
Posts 342
Florida USA
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3
posted
2007-10-15
10:13 AM
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I enjoyed this, it was close to my heart as I traveled some of this road. Thought it could have been told just as well in maybe a shorter version. But overall, enjoyed it. lisa
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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4
posted
2007-10-15
05:27 PM
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Thank you both.
After re-reading I would have to agree that there are areas that I can cut out without changing the flow, when I have more time tonight I'll do a rewrite and see how it looks.
Thanks again for your suggestions and comments.
Bad Moondogz... no cookie for you!
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moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
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5
posted
2007-10-15
05:51 PM
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darn.....u know how I like them "biscuits!"[This message has been edited by moondogz (10-15-2007 07:57 PM).]
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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6
posted
2007-10-16
11:08 AM
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OK I removed a few sections, still seems long though.
Moondogz... you can have a biscuit, now stop pouting. ;-)
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moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
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7
posted
2007-10-16
12:45 PM
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Hey Seeker, I'm pouting because I'VE HAD THE BISCUIT...with the internet...because of my addictive nature. Anyway I've enjoyed your poems and comments immensly..keep up the good work. moondogz
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Abbeon
Member
since 2006-11-30
Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder
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8
posted
2007-10-17
11:27 AM
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Wow what an amazing poem and I love cookies but can I get a hug instead? I love your poems you are one of my favourite writers. Hugs Abbeon.
The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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9
posted
2007-10-18
08:14 PM
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Thank you Abbeon for your kind words.
I wonder sometimes if I post too many poems as they all seem to be long ones.
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spunkygirl
Junior Member
since 2007-09-18
Posts 46
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10
posted
2007-10-18
10:17 PM
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Drifters, those wonderful guys and gals from my youth. My brother was always bringing some interesting person home with him. Always enjoyed! Good poem, tells a sad story with a Great ending. Family stories to share with children. And please, go ahead and share your insights about mine. My answer "NO" was purely accidental.
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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11
posted
2007-10-19
12:05 PM
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yeah... sorry about that.
I did it to Moondogz once too.
Thank you for reading and commenting, it means a lot.
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Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member
since 2007-10-21
Posts 48
Lost in pain
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12
posted
2007-10-22
06:43 PM
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wow good job how old are you cause u write amazing poetry
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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13
posted
2007-10-22
08:36 PM
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Ah the dredded question!
Lets just say this...
If I have a midlife crisis now then when I die I'll be in my late 60's early 70's. ;-)
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Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member
since 2007-10-21
Posts 48
Lost in pain
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14
posted
2007-10-22
10:25 PM
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AHHHHH
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Abbeon
Member
since 2006-11-30
Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder
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15
posted
2007-10-23
03:10 PM
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I am lost, using medieval age calculations might help for I have often wondered how old you may be for your writing speaks of thoughts and feelings of which humans are never born with and rarely ever achieve.
Your poems length’s are wonderful they give me time to immerse my self in there emotions. Ponder there meanings and awake on the other shore wondering why I did not see these images before. As well I refuse to give empty praise, your writing is outstanding and hints towards that of which words cannot describe. But then again who knows I’m just weird that way.
Abbeon The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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16
posted
2007-10-23
03:41 PM
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Your words are by far too good for me but I thank you very much.
When I wrote this poem I was around 29 and that was a few years back now.
My calculations for age do depend upon my dying exactly the amount of years from my midlife crisis... still no sign of that though.
Do brooding people even have a midlife crisis?
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Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member
since 2007-10-21
Posts 48
Lost in pain
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17
posted
2007-10-25
09:53 PM
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i dont know maybe
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Verg
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 52
Colorado
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18
posted
2007-10-26
04:05 PM
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Are you 32?
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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19
posted
2007-10-26
04:56 PM
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Nope.
;-)
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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia
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20
posted
2007-10-26
09:37 PM
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Really love this its great... very good tale without the length it wouldnt be as good...
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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21
posted
2007-10-26
09:41 PM
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Thanks RevengeIsMine.
I did cut out a few parts that really gave you nothing to chew on, I wouldn't want to make it any shorter than it is now.
Thanks again for reading and commenting.
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Mystress May
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA
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22
posted
2007-10-26
09:48 PM
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mmmmm.... cookies
and great writing, as well!
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Verg
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 52
Colorado
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23
posted
2007-10-26
09:54 PM
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r u 33
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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24
posted
2007-10-26
10:18 PM
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You're going to keep going up until you hit the mark aren't you.
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Verg
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 52
Colorado
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25
posted
2007-10-26
10:26 PM
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yup, will you tell me when I hit the mark?
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Verg
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 52
Colorado
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26
posted
2007-10-26
10:27 PM
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yup i am r u going to tell me when I hit the mark?
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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27
posted
2007-10-26
10:31 PM
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Oh God....
I'm 35... hence the 72 at the end of Seeker, well that and Seeker was already taken.
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Verg
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 52
Colorado
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28
posted
2007-10-26
10:55 PM
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you dont talk like your 35 you write like all of the college students I know. Not that it's a bad thing. Your my favorite and as my favorite i need to know everything i possibly can. LOL
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nevermore93
Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73
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29
posted
2007-10-26
11:35 PM
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if everyone could, i would appreciate it if you read my poem, "i need to be free".
and seeker, i would like you to read my poem "shadow" in the teen poetry section. you are very good when it comes to dark poetry, so i would like to hear your thoughts on it.
thank you
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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30
posted
2007-10-27
12:24 PM
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I have been told that I do not act my age, it's the darkness in me, what can I say. ;-)
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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31
posted
2007-10-27
01:02 AM
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nevermore93.
I posted a message to your poem.
I liked it.
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Abbeon
Member
since 2006-11-30
Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder
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32
posted
2007-10-27
10:43 AM
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Hmmm I am guessing that Seeker is roughly 30-36 but probably 30 if he where to die at 60 and it was an exact mid life crisis. The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.
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hunnie_girl
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
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33
posted
2007-10-27
01:48 PM
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Wow seeker you have such a nice fan club well I loved this poem but you are an amazing poet so this was expected.. oh and I looove cookies thank you for sharing your wonderful insights. Krysti
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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34
posted
2007-10-27
02:30 PM
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"Wow seeker you have such a nice fan club"
So it seems.
Just so long as they love the work... the man behind it is still just a man, faults and all.
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hunnie_girl
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
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35
posted
2007-10-27
04:50 PM
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I'm sure they love the work as it is amazing ... ~Krysti
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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36
posted
2007-10-27
04:55 PM
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I was going to post a new poem, it's very sad and somewhat depressing really so I'm not sure.
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PrestonThePoet
Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 87
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37
posted
2007-11-09
12:02 PM
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That poem was deeper than the Mariannas Trench, Kudos.
Take a look at my poem, Real Life Fiction. I'd like to see what you'd think. Ill be looking forward to your opinion.
Preston.
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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38
posted
2007-11-09
01:54 AM
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Thanks Preston.
I'm wondering... are you referring to the Pacific Grand Canyon or the band?
Just wondering...
;-)
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SecretTemptation
New Member
since 2007-11-23
Posts 8
US
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39
posted
2007-11-23
11:15 PM
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"Like cutting cancer out with a butter knife All the while thinking everything was going to be ok..."
Thats so cool! haha.. i really like this one, it was long, but interesting..
I'd be interested in seeing you write a short intense version...
very good job though! =]InThisForbiddenLove.. YouAreMySecretTemptation... AndImYourDirtyLittleSecret....
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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40
posted
2007-11-25
01:34 AM
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Thank you SecretTemptation.
A short version just might be in the works.
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littlefairy
Member
since 2007-08-06
Posts 51
New York
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41
posted
2007-11-29
05:05 PM
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I really enjoyed that. I didn't think i would but i did. A great great deal. I'm glad the drifter found a home and a family and got to experience life like that. If i could handle it I'd be a drifter. They seem to become the most amazingly kind and good people. I’m good during the day. But at night I wait.I wait for the one who’ll never return.
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Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member
since 2007-10-21
Posts 48
Lost in pain
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42
posted
2007-11-29
10:28 PM
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r u 36
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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43
posted
2007-12-06
10:53 AM
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Thanks littlefairy.
Angel. I actually posted how old I am, so if you can find it I'll give you a cookie.
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eternally_singing
Member
since 2007-12-18
Posts 123
PA, United States
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44
posted
2007-12-20
11:18 PM
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Completely amazing! I have rarely read anything of this caliber. Also, I truly believe that length adds to its overall effect.
I really loved this poem. Thank you for posting it!
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
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45
posted
2007-12-21
12:37 PM
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eternally_singing, thank you very much for reading it, I'm glad you liked it.
It's a moment in my life when I lived in Ireland that has always pushed me forward.
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