Dark Poetry #4 |
i beg of all to read this. even if you dont comment please just read it |
Sir_Vampire Member
since 2007-06-12
Posts 96Johannesburg |
You called me dog, you called me wh*re You kicked me and hit me then threw me out the door You beat me until I was numb & felt the pain no more You treat me like mommy even though I’m just four You called me b*tch you call me sl*t You beat me more when I argued ‘but’ Beat me until my mouth swelled shut Your wedding ring my lips did cut You hit me harder when I started to cry I curled up tighter just wanting to die You replaced the tears with a black eye Blaming me for mommy saying good bye My body broken, battered black and blue You walked away once you were through All I wanted to do was start a anew All I wanted to say is I love you… you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye [This message has been edited by Sir_Vampire (06-20-2007 05:00 AM).] |
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Sir_Vampire Member
since 2007-06-12
Posts 96Johannesburg |
i know this poem is pushing the boundaries but please take into consideration that the few words have been censored in a sense but are essential to give the poem its full heart felt story you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye |
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blue face Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 92 |
Oh my god thats a great poem but what was horrible did it really happen and if its true U hope you feel ok |
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blue face Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 92 |
I'm sorry about the spelling I had to write it really fast |
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tearsofpain Junior Member
since 2007-05-03
Posts 38 |
very nice sad but it is def my cup of tea |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
Really really amazing I liked this a lot. hunnie. ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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Alaina Member
since 2007-06-16
Posts 106 |
wow this is really amazing. i'm so sorry if this happened to you, which i think it did because the emotion is amazing. Great poem. |
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Sir_Vampire Member
since 2007-06-12
Posts 96Johannesburg |
i am lucky enough for this not to happen to me, i got the inspriation for this poem from another called misty, do yourself a favor and google "misty poem" the opening line is "i am misty and i am only three" that poem rendered me to tears like no other has you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
I am glad that I stopped in. It's a good poem and very important (could you changet the "U" and spell out "you"? -- the "U" distracted me). Good poem. Alison |
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Sir_Vampire Member
since 2007-06-12
Posts 96Johannesburg |
Yes sorry i didnt notice it, but will ammend it. thank u all for ur input ~~~{@ you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye |
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BrittanyJ Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461Come find me? |
Such a sad, heart-felt poem! It flowed very nicely, i liked it There is only so much blood i can bleed for you, and continue to live. |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
im so sorry.. amazing writer though. |
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Twilight Warrior Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 106The World That Never Was |
Tragedy often breeds inspiration, good poem. "One last drink and the bottle breaks, returning us to the dust from whence we came" |
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Kira Aso Member
since 2006-09-26
Posts 351Closer to Hell... |
This was one of those heart jerking poems that bring tears to my eyes. You did a wonderful job. ~Should the truth be so buried |
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Sir_Vampire Member
since 2007-06-12
Posts 96Johannesburg |
i thank all for your much appreciated input and i may i ask a simple favor, Please foward this poem to all who you think might appreciate and let these voices be heard for once. you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye |
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midnightdreamer Member
since 2008-02-03
Posts 309Roy,ut |
I love all your poems but this one is something special. I think its really cool that you wrote it about Misty. Sweet writing. keep on the good work!!! Midnightdreamer |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: I don’t think the profanity adds anything and using it is probably against the rules of the forum (see below). As a family-oriented site, we discourage the use of gratuitous profanity. That doesn't mean you won't find a cuss word here and there, but those instances should be relatively rare. In most instances, we find the use of profanity is little more than a sign of laziness. Writers should be able to convey an idea without resorting to an offensive vocabulary, and those who don't usually just aren't trying very hard. Misspelling a word, using asterisks to mask some or all letters, acronyms or abbreviations, or ANY other attempt to disguise profanity doesn't make it any less profane. If we can discern your meaning from your content, you obviously didn't disguise it enough. [This message has been edited by Grinch (02-04-2008 03:43 PM).] |
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Ian L.R. Sanchez Junior Member
since 2007-07-05
Posts 16 |
Wow... this is really sad. Great poem. |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
that is so sad! I was almost crying. Great...NO! FANTASTIC write! FoReVeR.BrOkEn |
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jvj-003 Junior Member
since 2008-02-05
Posts 17INdia |
A very downright poem... kudos for the candidness of the way in which suffereing is depicted there..... JVJ God gives and forgives, we get and foget |
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1poeticjustice Junior Member
since 2008-02-04
Posts 14 |
Very touching yet horrible. Excellant blend of pain and suffering. I too know this childhood hell. Nicely done. |
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