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Dark Poetry #4

Rain

openthoughts
Member

since 2006-01-16

Posts 94
Where the child can be free

0 posted 2006-11-09 01:05 AM

Rain

A night's rain to cleanse me of
the dirt collected over the problems of years.
But turned so fast to mud
it does not clean as easy.

I avoid the rain as desperately
as the vole avoids the hawk
(usually as successfully as such
and for similar reason)

Moving carefully in between droplets
too dangerous to be done alone
questions may be asked unquestioned.
To whome was it placed that I was unclean?

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

1 posted 2006-11-13 07:59 AM

I truly enjoyed this poem.

~Luv Kira

AltairVonCreed
Junior Member

since 2006-10-16

Posts 14
Nephi, Utah.

2 posted 2006-11-14 02:57 AM

I'm not sure I fully grasped the idea behind this peice, could you perhaps clarify?

openthoughts
Member

since 2006-01-16

Posts 94
Where the child can be free

3 posted 2006-11-14 06:28 PM

the poem uses an old established metaphor of the rain as washing away past transgressions although in this case, the speaker does not wish to be "cleansed" shall we say and so avoids the rain in an attempt to retain his or her imperfections and mistakes.

The final line poses the question of who decided that the narrator needed to be relieved of his or her "uncleanliness" since that should be a decision left to oneself.

I hope that clarified a little bit

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

4 posted 2006-11-14 09:12 PM

Yeah I was a little confused but I thought I was on the same track so yeah. This was really good. I hope to see more from you in the future. Thanks for sharing.

secret_truth_lies
Member

since 2006-11-14

Posts 74

5 posted 2006-11-15 07:00 AM

I thought this was a really good poem. I hope to see more from you soon.

trUstNooNe
Member

since 2006-05-21

Posts 91

6 posted 2006-11-20 08:53 AM

i really liked it* nice write

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