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Dark Poetry #4

Carnival of Madness

UseTheIllusion
Member

since 2006-02-06

Posts 223
In a state of limbo

0 posted 2006-09-19 09:27 PM

A carnival of madness,
Lashing out at fellow man,
Gaiety and laughter,
Give way to death and frailty.
The killing fields chocked,
With the corpses of the saints.
Who died for no good reason,
Except to be hallowed in the book of life.
In the book of man, meanwhile,
Their deaths further the cause,
Of either side of the base and baseless conflict,
Which goes on without a pause.

This is my first attempt at truely free verse. I tried to encorporate some metaphors, but don't know how sucessful I was.

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

1 posted 2006-09-19 09:45 PM

I think you did a great job encorporating metaphors, staring with your opening line "carnival of madness". Did you enjoy writing in free verse? I find forms so difficult and meter even moreso.

UseTheIllusion
Member

since 2006-02-06

Posts 223
In a state of limbo

2 posted 2006-09-20 02:42 PM

Thank you for your comments. To be honest, I prefer to attempt rhyme rather than free verse. There is something about fitting the pieces of the puzzle together that I find very pleasing.

burntsiena
Junior Member

since 2006-08-10

Posts 34
Rhode Island

3 posted 2006-09-20 11:03 PM

I too really enjoyed the 'carnival of madness' beginning. I love the message and agree wholeheartedly. I think if you could find a way to work in the carnival of madness metaphor into the rest of the poem - you could make it highly entertaining - possibly mocking the contradictions you seem to be pointing to. Great job with free verse - I think you will find that writing in free verse can be really fun as well and you can work in rhyme here and there to get points across, while working on internal rhyme, alliteration, etc. Either way, keep up the rhyming you are comfortable with as well! Just suggestions...I look forward to reading more of your work.

Burnt Siena
"the never ending vacation - how I wish I was one"

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