Fortune or Eternal Life? - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

0 posted 2006-09-19 03:39 PM

By Courtney A
9-10-06

I look around
I see people all happy and giddy
But do you think if they looked around
they would think that's a pitty.
People are so stupid today,
All they they want is to get their way.
I feel bad for rich people,
they don't know anything about life.
My kind of people have to work 24 hours.
Some people even end up at the end of the day
within their hand a knife.
Most people don't have time to look around,
and see people crawling on the ground.
Some people just call their honey,
just to ask if they can spend some money.
But do you see when we get to heaven,
we won't need any money or jewelry, or a nice fancy car, or a anything from them!
All we need is love for Him!

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2006-09-19 08:56 PM

Yeah, I haven't written anything in a little bit, but God told me to write today, and then the second thing I see before I go to write is your poem. That is very true what you say. At one point the richest soul in the world was proclaimed a King by His own people, then betrayed, tortured and murdered, naked and publicly, and even God turned His back on Him while it was happening. Yeah, He was in total despair and still alive. I believe if He had been taken down He would have survived. But yeah, that kind of pain. Wow... then to come back as King of the Universe. Craziness.

Your poem is good, but as for a critique, try using line spacing to give it time to be said, and maybe using some metaphors would give it some more beauty.

-GIS

Oh, and I'm not being arrogant, but if you feel like responding to what I've written, send me an e-mail, because I don't always come to pip in a frequent manner.

Satan decelveth and cause women to watch Operah...

To wrestle is to live; to fight is to love.

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

2 posted 2006-09-19 09:38 PM

I so agree with what you're saying! Many of us do seem so self-involved and focused on material things that we ignore the suffering going on around us. Nice one!

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

3 posted 2006-09-21 02:57 PM

thnak you you too. sorry I haven't respond to this site. It's been a long time. Yeah God has been telling me to what to write. So i appreciate what you have to say thanks alot.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.