Untitled (Help find a name for this poem)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

0 posted 2008-02-03 10:55 PM

What's the meaning in life,
When you've lost everything?
Why do we keep trying,
When it doesn't help?
Does anyone care?
I try and I try,
Does anyone notice?
Faint in the world,
Lost and dead to everyone.
Sins of the past.
Is Forgiveness in the future?
A light burns in the dark,
Blind to it and the rest of the world.
Is this my future?
Locked behind bars?
No, I've got keep trying,
Trying to fit in with the rest of the world.
To change my mistakes of the past,
To be pure against the darkness,
To be bright once more.

shattered-smiles
Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 247
inside the shadows

1 posted 2008-02-04 08:55 AM

Great poem midnightdreamer. I would just suggest instead of putting "To be bright once more" at the end of your poem, putting "To be bright once again." I don't know, it's just a suggestion. Thanx for commenting on my poem. Welcome to PiP and hope to hear more from you soon.
TJ

[&] she's a blood broken rose

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

2 posted 2008-02-04 06:27 PM

Thanks for the suggestion. I like your ending part of it thanks.

Midnightdreamer

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

3 posted 2008-02-04 06:28 PM

Thanks for the suggestion. I like your ending part of it thanks.

Midnightdreamer

SilhouetteMarquis
Junior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 32

4 posted 2008-02-09 11:15 PM

Cool poem, not really dark, but reflective nonetheless. The title should be about the situation going either way, lest it be positive or negative, like a spectrum or a balance beam.

-Silhouette Marquis

Paul Wilson

Member Elite

since 2002-07-07

Posts 4711
United States

5 posted 2008-02-10 03:16 PM

midnightdreamer...Enjoyed the poem.
As for a title maybe "From Darkness Light Comes" or "Darkness from Within" just a couple of suggestions...Paul

~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~
Paul

Sir_Vampire
Member

since 2007-06-12

Posts 96
Johannesburg

6 posted 2008-02-11 03:53 AM

First off let me say thank you for commenting on my work i really appreciate it midnightdreamer, i really enjoyed this piece, it might be just me, but i see this as questioning reality itself and i thoroughly enjoy the idea, as a title i would suggest something along the lines of "Doubtful truths"

you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

7 posted 2008-02-11 07:05 PM

Thanks guys.

Midinghtdreamer

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

8 posted 2008-02-12 06:57 PM

I think it should be called "Locked up inside" i dont know why but it sounds good for this poem right?

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

9 posted 2008-02-13 05:22 PM

I don't know Falling Rain. I suppose it is. That's how i felt when i wrote it so yes that is a good name for it. Have you ever felt that way?
midnightdreamer

KgIRL
Junior Member

since 2007-11-14

Posts 14
australia

10 posted 2008-02-15 06:35 AM

i really like this poem,it brought tears to my eyes, i spose because i feel this a lot. i enjoyed reading it!

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

11 posted 2008-02-15 05:42 PM

thank you!! welcome to PIP!!!

midnightdreamer

black beautiful eyes looking back at me showing me, no fear will show.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

12 posted 2008-02-18 04:13 PM

o yes midnightdreamer i feel like that most of the time.

~Zach~

LynnFromCT
Member

since 2008-02-18

Posts 53
CT, USA

13 posted 2008-02-18 08:31 PM

i have been behind bars, locked in and forgotten and my only suggestion to you would be... To Begin Again

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

14 posted 2008-02-19 10:42 PM

I didn't write this about me. i wrote it about my sister. i got really mad and i almost was sure i was crazy. i try to control myself to keep myself from hurting my brother and my mom. emotionaly i mean. i hate hurting them for they have a wonderful life and i feel like i'm just bring pain to their lives.

midnightdreamer

black beautiful eyes looking back at me showing me, no fear will show.

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

15 posted 2008-02-20 11:27 PM

Midnightdreamer..... it makes me so sad to see someone young and talented residing in such a desolate space in their head. I've read some of your posts in Kate's poems and it breaks my heart. But the fact that you said that you can't change who you are and wouldn't want to makes me happy. We are who we were made to be.... nothing more and nothing less. You're a talented writer and you can release all of your frustration on paper through words. Keep up the good work, doll!

~~~May~~~

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

16 posted 2008-02-23 07:36 PM

thanks may. i meant what i said on kates poems.

midnightdreamer

black beautiful eyes looking back at me telling me, no fear will show.

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

17 posted 2008-02-23 08:10 PM

this is deep... great write!

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

18 posted 2008-02-23 09:39 PM

thanks!! and welcome to PIP!!!!
midnightdreamer

black beautiful eyes looking back at me telling me, no fear will show.

GothicCherry
Member

since 2008-09-16

Posts 471
TN

19 posted 2008-09-25 12:12 PM

enjoyed...i would suggest a name but i already saw some good ones that ppl said.

depressedivinity
New Member

since 2008-09-19

Posts 6

20 posted 2008-09-30 09:39 PM

great job. sends off great image.

very warm.

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

21 posted 2008-10-01 03:10 PM

thanks. welcome to pip.

midnightdreamer

She past you, but doesn't notice you.
Drained from emotion
she waits till death grasps her.
She faces it with no feat but rather welcomes it.

StarrGazer
Senior Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 679
Texas

22 posted 2008-11-06 08:10 AM

Hey, very nice write. I have to agree that everyone's title suggestions so far have been great but what immediately popped into my head was "Preserverence"

Shan

Pantheress
Member

since 2008-11-02

Posts 215
Queensland, Australia

23 posted 2008-11-13 06:03 AM

Hi.. great poem, "Jails shinning light"

NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

24 posted 2008-11-15 03:48 AM

your a great writer i love reading your stuff. yeah i know what you mean about the falling rain most of the time to me it seems more like a pale grey snow, cold thick and suffocating.

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

25 posted 2008-11-15 03:44 PM

thx guys. means a lot to me. thx for suggestions.
midnightdreamer

She past you, but doesn't notice you.
Drained from emotion
she waits till death grasps her.
She faces it with no fear but rather welcomes it.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.