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Dark Poetry #4
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Present Time
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Present Time |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
I could tell you all my wisdom but I'd come across as high from the inside of this vision there's not much that passes out the other side. As the record turns, and becomes a sounding board with one round eye. I could show you repetition in the movements that believe the hype inspired by dub-led missions but the evidence has been destroyed broken down to spit it out, what's yours is mine. |
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| © Copyright 2006 kif kif - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
i like this poem from you. I thought it was very good. i hope to see more from you in the future. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Cherrys-Rule, I would have preferred a comment pertinent to the write, instead of a stock phrase you've posted on other poems, by other poets. If you can't think of anything to say, don't say anything. Or, if you liked or disliked it, say why. |
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burntsiena Junior Member
since 2006-08-10
Posts 34Rhode Island |
I think this is great for me - being a fan of music. It is so true how that mixing board does all this work and yet the work is hidden and all you are left with is the final product. That's the image I get from the poem. |
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Masked Intruder
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231Near golden sunsets |
kifkif, Your phrasing and sentence structure make it difficult to understand what you are trying to portray. That could be the point, since you point out just that in the first two lines. On a side note, Courtney at least was gracious enough to drop a note saying that she read it and liked it. You shouldn't take even a generic response for granted, as there are a lot of poets out there who don't even get those. -*-*- |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Burntsienna, thanks! You're there, although the mixer is human. Insightful reading, thanks again. Masked Intruder, I'm trying to say that little in music is original!!! Yet, all too often, the references are not displayed, either through ignorance or pretence. Of your side note, it reminds me of the lover spinning the exact same line to multiple people, regardless of how different they are. To me, that's indifferent, and I'd rather not have the attention if it's indifferent. Mixed-up, yeah. Thanks for your proper attention. |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Your analogy is flawed, KK, 'cause no one around here is your lover and, unlike a lover, a stranger doesn't owe you anything. When you throw your hook in the water you might only have trout in mind, but the perch and bullheads have no way of knowing your preferences. Indeed, you might be surprised to discover most people won't care what you want and no one likely comes here to fulfill your needs. The trout come to the surface to be fed, not to be caught. You chose the bait, you set the hook, and now you want to complain about your catch? Sorry, it doesn't work that way around here. Feel free to ignore what you don't like, by all means, but please refrain from berating the fish for biting. This is our lake. You are a guest fishing in that lake. If you can't settle for anything except trout, you should probably go to a restaurant and pay for it. On this side of the world, we have an old cliché that seems eminently applicable to your less than gracious demands. You certainly don't have to agree with everyone (including me), but you do have to start getting along with everyone, something, of late, you've been remarkably consistent in not trying to do. If you don't care about our little fishing hole, then that's okay. I won't care either. If you do care, then it's time to start showing it, lest your lines be cut and your baited hooks allowed to sink into the depths. People fish for a lot of very different reasons, be it solitude, community, or sustenance, but we all have to be willing to share the same waters. Postscript: While you don't get to dictate how everyone comments, KK, we do try to give you some tools to help encourage others to reply as you might wish. If you were to put something in the Critique Message field in your profile, instead of leaving it blank, people might have a better idea what you want. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
I'm sorry. Tha analogy can refer to a lover of words. I realise that my desires can be a bit 'testing' at times, and for that, I'm truly sorry. I hope nobody thinks it's anything apart from an aspect of my personality (of which I will censor (when needed) in order to become pleasant to be around.) On a lighter note, at least it's thrown up valuable information on the nature of (me, and of) critique. I can see now that in reaching out, a generic comment opens the doors for further communication, and it's very rude to disrepect that. I apologise. Onelove |
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JosephF Junior Member
since 2006-08-30
Posts 30 |
I quite like it actually, very good, keep it up  |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
I will, Jospeph, thanks for reading. |
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