Dark Poetry #4 |
hi this is my first poem |
THeeUglyTriveONbeauty New Member
since 2006-08-11
Posts 2 |
Thee Ugly Trive on Beauty ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Her eyes fixated a strong deep gaze into an intense glare. A dark black room seem to hyponotise as if to be a bright white light into the eternal life. A temptation raper that are the vigerous extertions, prevailing to the destiny of ones moment. A moment that is bound, bound by the power of fantasies, it was. tears of trepidity come onto creation. Newborns falling to her breasts as she condems by a locked door. Steaming down her nudity, it soaks her feet so cold. So cold, frostbitten to a faultless beauty blue. she details her self by the frozen tears of ice so lovely, like crystals. ....Her imagination is beautiful.... |
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© Copyright 2006 THeeUglyTriveONbeauty - All Rights Reserved | |||
ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Welcome to Passions. There was a certain flare to your first post. Your choice of words are unusual and you did a good job at conveying a feeling of the occult almost, as imagination lets the mind fly free. ..."A temptation raper that are the vigerous extertions, prevailing to the destiny of ones moment. A moment that is bound, bound by the power of fantasies, it was."... This verse I had a hard time understanding. I think you were trying to convey the feathery feeling of a fantasy, but couldn't grasp the vigerous extertions. I might suggest writing first in software that will give you spellcheck and thesaurus. I like that because then my first pass lets my mind fly free, and a second pass with the software helps me to say what I intended to say. Hope you will write more. TD |
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SATURN Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 78ok,us |
First off Welcome to PiP. This is a very good poem the words and the flow are outstanding in my view. Hope to see more. ~SATURN~ |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
I want to welcome you to Passion, You will love it here. Then i want to tell you that this was an awsome poem. I hope to see more from you in the future. ~Courtney~ |
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