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THeeUglyTriveONbeauty
New Member
since 2006-08-11
Posts 2


0 posted 2006-08-15 03:33 PM



Thee Ugly Trive on Beauty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her eyes fixated
a strong deep gaze
into an intense glare.

A dark black room seem to hyponotise as if to be
a bright white light
into the eternal life.

A temptation raper
that are the vigerous extertions,
prevailing to the destiny of ones moment.
A moment that is bound,
bound by the power of fantasies,
it was.

tears of trepidity
come onto creation.
Newborns falling to her breasts
as she condems by a locked door.
Steaming down her nudity,
it soaks her feet so cold.
So cold,
frostbitten to a faultless beauty blue.
she details her self
by the frozen tears
of ice
so lovely,
like crystals.

....Her imagination is beautiful....

© Copyright 2006 THeeUglyTriveONbeauty - All Rights Reserved
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
1 posted 2006-08-15 11:57 PM


Welcome to Passions.

There was a certain flare to your first post.
Your choice of words are unusual and you did a good job at conveying a feeling of the occult almost, as imagination lets the mind fly free.

..."A temptation raper
that are the vigerous extertions,
prevailing to the destiny of ones moment.
A moment that is bound,
bound by the power of fantasies,
it was."...

This verse I had a hard time understanding.
I think you were trying to convey the feathery feeling of a fantasy, but couldn't grasp the vigerous extertions.
I might suggest writing first in software that will give you spellcheck and thesaurus.  I like that because then my first pass lets my mind fly free, and a second pass with the software helps me to say what I intended to say.

Hope you will write more.
TD

SATURN
Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 78
ok,us
2 posted 2006-08-19 12:57 PM


First off Welcome to PiP.

This is a very good poem the words and the flow are outstanding in my view.

Hope to see more.

      ~SATURN~

cherrys_rule
Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442

3 posted 2006-08-20 05:05 PM


I want to welcome you to Passion, You will love it here. Then i want to tell you that this was an awsome poem. I hope to see more from you in the future.

          ~Courtney~

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