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Dark Poetry #4
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my friend...
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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my friend... |
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lace_of_light Junior Member
since 2006-08-02
Posts 44 |
this is for my best friend, jade... "If this is what you want Then fire at will But allow me to be blunt I will miss you still Way down, where we once cried You held me there You kept me tucked close at your side Our saddness we'd share If this is what it's going to take It's your life, I know But maybe your will I'll break And you won't leave me alone This is the mess you made But I'll help you recover Please, don't do it Jade I won't ever fall for another I love you to much to let you die But I can't stop this But there's the thing, I don't know why I can't stop it though I persist You're my friend, my best and dearest one I plead to you stay But do you listen, hun? There's got to be another way..." And this is when he takes my hand And his eyes fill with tears He pulls me into his horrid land And he takes all his fears And I feel them seep into my soul But if this is what it takes I'll carry his burdens to the red-shaded knoll And in me drive his stakes When I open my eyes and I see He's against my shoulder His words are alight with glee "You saved me" he told her And he forever remains within my heart That our sorrows and delights come together And we'll never depart That for his life I endeavor "I'd give myself up for you" He bites his lip "That's what best friends do" I see his saddness rip And he holds me tight And he cries silently to his sprit But I hear him, and it's alright Just as long as I know I'm near it "This is what best friends do" He whispers in my ear "I didn't have a clue..." "That for me, you'd be here" But I smile and softly cry As he kisses my cheek Now I know why He was the one I had to seek "areyouinorareyouout? eitherwayyoucan'twin." he said. "butthefallwillbefantasticandwhat'sleftisnothinglessthanperfection" |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Your critique message made me smile. I'm new to this forum, and have justed to absorb the different styles here. This poem was touching, the way it described a true friendship, the love was clear, there was a story to follow. You might find a better read at a shorter length...after about the sixth verse, you will notice a force on the rhyme. Anytime that happens to me, I can tell that I am struggling to give more than a reader can absorb. Just a thought, because the poem was well worth a good read. TD |
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lace_of_light Junior Member
since 2006-08-02
Posts 44 |
welcome to the forum, i'm glad you're here! good to know i made someone smile. i try to make people happy. your criticism is greatly appriciated! "areyouinorareyouout? eitherwayyoucan'twin." he said. "butthefallwillbefantasticandwhat'sleftisnothinglessthanperfection" |
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