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Dark Poetry #4
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Apathy
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Apathy |
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rockbabe Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 105 |
Awake in a visionless Isolation The inability to feel Impaired movement combined with impaired vocality Disorientated by the perplexity of the situation Blood covered body I close my eyes, think of nothing, Needing to feel nothing Punctured lungs needing to suck air, The feeling of numbness, combined with terror and confusion. “What is happening, where am I?” I lay here on the floor whilst willing my numb felt body into motion. The feel of fatigue caused by the magnetism of the ground beneath. Driven by the will to survive, I pull my body up from the ground. A feeling of “relief” filled me as it seems to be the beginning of my worst fear. [This message has been edited by rockbabe (08-04-2006 05:04 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 rockbabe - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
"Awake in a visionless Isolation The inability to feel Impaired movement combined with impaired vocality Disorientated by the perplexity of the situation" I must admit that I like this part the best. It's hard for me to explain why, but it's the imagery, the descriptiveness of the first few lines in this stanza that make it so good. Plus the ending line was so surprising! In how you say it seems to be the "beginning" of your worst fears. I was amazed, I thought the beginning was at the first stanza but when you said the last line it was kind of an eye opener! The ending line was an interesting twist to the whole poem; it kind of puts the poem in a different perspective after you finish. I think you did an excellent job and I can’t wait to see what you write next! Thanks for sharing  @-->--- |
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rockbabe Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 105 |
Thanks for your comments Stargal....much appreciated!!! |
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burntsiena Junior Member
since 2006-08-10
Posts 34Rhode Island |
I loved this - this really states how so much of our generation feels today - powerlessness and frustration in the face of cuffed hands. |
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Sorrow Member
since 2006-06-14
Posts 83Ireland |
I agree with stargal, that's my faveourite part also. The whole thing is great. It has a nice flow and a chilling feel which i love. I can also relate to this poem. Good job! |
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