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Dark Poetry #4

Would You Save Her

Foreverone8783
Junior Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 24
Illinios

0 posted 2006-05-29 10:34 PM

Her smile fades.
Everything she knew was gone.
Her world had come crashing down.
Her hopes and dreams felt like nothing.

She's left alone, wondering why,
Why everyone hates her so.

Nobody cares, nobody tries,
To save her from herself.

With nobody to try,
She's left alone to cry,
Wanting to die,
So ask yourself why.

*^*Ashley*^*

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-05-29 10:47 PM

Umm... Welcome to PIP!

It's a nice poem, yet i'm not sure I would have put it in dark poetry, and, umm, that's all i want to say, plus of course, welcome to pip again

@-->---

kif kif
Member

since 2006-06-01

Posts 439
BCN

2 posted 2006-06-01 07:13 PM

Hello foreverone, at first, I was feeling refreshed upon reading your non-rhyme, then I was gutted from your last stanza-wha'appen?

It doesn't work for me-the last minute rhyme detracts from the content, which was working well as a little story. Sorry, but i was much more interested in your beginning verses.

Onelove

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