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Dark Poetry #4
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Night Life
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Night Life |
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ranidae_poet Member
since 2003-11-05
Posts 66Texas,USA 
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Lonely voices echo among hollow ears Their voices leave me empty Cursed in my years Dancing Mindless and cold Just a little too close I pray , my soul I haven’t sold Blank faces, starving for expression In every corner Another committee is in session Alcohol induced affection And malevolent schemes Are my only protection There are only three beings worth of respect; the priest, the solider and the poet; To know, To Kill and to create. [This message has been edited by ranidae_poet (11-05-2003 09:48 PM).] |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
Welcome to the site. this was very touching, delicate but painful. The last line in the second stanza: " I pray , my soul I haven’t already sold" I really felt this part, but you might want to rephrase it so that the ryhme with cold doesn't sound so forced. Maybe take out the already, it flows better that way. "Alcohol induced affection" the last couple lines of your poem hit really hard, I epecially loved the originality of this line. Nice job, hope to see more from you soon.  ~Lex |
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ranidae_poet Member
since 2003-11-05
Posts 66Texas,USA |
Hi there, thanks so much for you input on this poem...I m glad that i was able to make you feel some of what i was feeling at that moment..I have taken your advice and you are right...it does flow better with that one word taken out...  I appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think. bye for now ranidae There are only three beings worth of respect; the priest, the solider and the poet; To know, To Kill and to create. |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Lonely voices echo among hollow ears Their voices leave me empty Cursed in my years -- nice lines, the entire write left me feeling--decisive. good write. poe If nothing is something |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
this hurts |
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ranidae_poet Member
since 2003-11-05
Posts 66Texas,USA |
MisticPoe and Shadow: thanks so much for stopping and taking time to read and comment on this one. When I re read it , it feels unfinished...I m not sure yet..any suggestions? if not..I shall leave it be..but it feels like I should have a stanza between the last two.. thanks again.There are only three beings worth of respect; the priest, the solider and the poet; To know, To Kill and to create. |
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