Once in a Blue Moon. - pipTalk Forums

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Dark Poetry #4

Once in a Blue Moon.

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

0 posted 2005-12-07 12:24 PM

I lean towards she,
Taste velvet, draped around her waist,
Caught raindrops to feed her wholesome eyes.

Lured through vines so divine,
She basked the light of white snow through a glass dome.

Baby girl, words don’t do service,
Writing is easy, seeing is truth,
Leading my hands to a land where your body is my domain.

Dressed in red,
Captivating, scintillating, portrait on a wall.

The comets come once so often,
When seen, rays glide, find the tide,
Then believe my scene when they decide to find this woman so divine.

Red is autumn,
White is winter,

She is beauty.

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

1 posted 2005-12-07 03:39 AM

the first line put me off becuase i see no reason at all to use she instead of her.

it was said better as: "she walks in beauty"

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

2 posted 2005-12-08 01:39 PM

First off, i very much enjoyed reading this piece, i loved the imagery it left in my head... but i also think 'her' would have been better used in the first line... either way, excellent post

Peace

"i said 'How bout a revelution' and he said 'Right' i said oh, you say ah, i say revelution and you say ja,That was the craziest game of poker"
OAR

tracie66
Member Elite

since 2000-01-18

Posts 4713
Australia

3 posted 2006-01-07 05:53 AM

wonderful imagery...I enjoyed.

~hugs~

Tracie

Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe

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