Candy Cane Relationship - pipTalk Forums

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Mad_Hatter
Member

since 2003-06-29

Posts 393
Canada

0 posted 2003-10-29 07:54 PM

I’m not here, or there
I’m just atmosphere now
As a nail would curl to flesh
I seed the world afresh
Of poison welts and “heart felts”
Of terror harping and gas marking
A noise amongst devoured space
The palm does defy the face
To cover it with red and pock
An army sent, destroy times clock
We belong to those we have taken
And those to who we have belonged
Have taken us…

But what was her face?
Nothing more than battles field?
Love is the seed of hurt
The one, who dares not return fire
It was said love came without hurt
But it, surely then was a liar…

A candy cane is a hook
Where devil and sugar meet
You cannot escape
From it’s candied bend
It curves around the neck
And so you think
“It’s not that bad…”

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2003-10-29 10:47 PM

Not bad" This poem is pretty good, but for some reason it seems like it could have been better. Like if you could have relaxed a little. Good write.

GIS

All that is great once was small.

[Im the one thats going to die when its time for me to die. So let me live my life the way I want to.]-JIMI

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

2 posted 2003-10-30 11:28 AM

Mad_Hatter, I really liked the way this started.

I’m not here, or there
I’m just atmosphere

very nice.

poe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2003-10-31 04:00 PM

Your message is SO vivid. I'm in amazement at this poem of yours. I really liked the candy cane metaphor. Nicely done.
~Lex

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

4 posted 2003-11-01 08:07 PM

"We belong to those we have taken
And those to who we have belonged
Have taken us…"

Great words, Mad Hatter.

CB 8)

Mad_Hatter
Member

since 2003-06-29

Posts 393
Canada

5 posted 2003-11-01 10:13 PM

Thank you all for your responses, I just hope the message in this poem was clear

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

6 posted 2003-11-02 12:04 PM

Ryan?
My God this is brilliant:

A candy cane is a hook
Where devil and sugar meet
You cannot escape
From it’s candied bend
It curves around the neck

yes yes it surely does
xxoo

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2003-11-08 01:20 PM

awesome!

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