Dark Poetry #4 |
Twisted Angel |
Pluto Junior Member
since 2005-07-12
Posts 12 |
You destroy your body, For your own twisted fun. You taint yourself with drugs, Cos you can’t see the sun. You kill me when I see you, I have to shut my eyes. I don’t wanna be alive, When your spirit finally dies. Why can’t your tragic eyes see, That your rainbow will fade? I clutch to everything, That your precious hands have made. Don’t leave me here, On this wretched earth. Where angels cry out in pain, Cos they know how little life is worth. |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
I liked this. The only part that I thought needed work was: "You taint yourself with drugs, Cos you can’t see the sun" I didn't like the second line. It seemed like you only added it to have a rhyme. Other than that, very well written. |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
I thought it was great. Seems like a twisted angel is an angel with a vice. Oh, and yeah this world is pretty worthless. Its only God and love that really make any difference, at least to me. Well said before I go smoke a cigarrette... so much for perfect. -GIS Thr enemies name is Satan a.k.a. "The Stoopid Angel" |
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jjote Senior Member
since 2002-12-25
Posts 1088Ontario, Canada |
"On this wretched earth. Where angels cry out in pain, Cos they know how little life is worth." I liked these last lines and the image that angels in heaven are shedding tears over how people wreck their own lives and others so recklessly..but I'm not comfortable in the use of "Cos" for beginning the line. Maybe delete it? It won't change I think the message. |
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