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Dark Poetry #4
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how I hate the word love
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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how I hate the word love |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
I tie my fingers together in knots. You are a man who does not believe in love. I try to leave clues in your pant pockets and on your windshield. I try not to cut you as I kiss you on the nose to wake you. The way you touch my skin makes me wonder if you simply have a loathing for the word. it does not define us, as we lay in your garage on sunday morning talking of pennies. We do not make plans to stay together. We do not mention upon our hearts. Our fingers are tied together in thick knots. Oh how my skin does tear and fray. But you are a man of waundering ways. and I just observe your beauty, bask in it momentarily and then leave you for reality once more. You have a way with words and rope and you've tied me to your dream. |
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| © Copyright 2005 Alexis Smith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
brilliant, beautiful, and heart wrenching... " tie my fingers together in knots. You are a man who does not believe in love. I try to leave clues in your pant pockets and on your windshield. I try not to cut you as I kiss you on the nose to wake you." these first lines just sucked me in. it all reads like the thoughts you wake up to in that sober morning after.. you capture moments and paint vivid moods with your words. we are what we seek |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
nice work, this could use a little tightening though. some sentences seem to run on and the rope metaphor seemed a little forced at the end. still a good piece of writing |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
I liked it. Nice title. God is awesome. And I agree some of the flow, like the last line could go together better, but then again it could work better the way it is to paint a picture of a broken person even into the poem itself. Nice work. -GIS His name is Satan a.k.a. The Stupid Angel |
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