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EveGnosis
Member

since 2002-02-21

Posts 300
New York, USA

0 posted 2004-11-03 10:30 PM

grant me this fortress
from small tries at
capitalizing on external beauty

it works!
for a while
but after the picture
is no longer in motion for me
and the glories of the paycheck
have expent

the fortress proves temporary
because then you show me
that without the fame and glory
and drug parties and such
your pedestal of honesty
demands a longevity my fortress
cannot sustain.

you fell for me
for my pictures on a tube
you sensed my eyes showed truth
you persevered
in all attempts to gain someone
"out of reach"

never realizing that the
reach was only out for me
you can never believe you
able to have such a public love

and yet i can see the love
without the public's stay
for this icon you've chosen
is easier obtained
than the icon's icon believing
he's less

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2004-11-03 10:55 PM

You said you were learning to write poetry and apparently you're a fast learner. The visual I get from this read is of distance in a city near a school or park with a light grey mist over it all. Everything is mysty, yet apparently in place, exactly as it sits. Like seeing a fuzzy distance over grass. Nice work.

-GIS

God blesses.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

2 posted 2004-11-03 10:56 PM

I forgot to add.

-GIS

God blesses.

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

3 posted 2004-11-04 02:06 AM

Amazing! I felt this was almost a solemn plea/vow. Is there still facets of this life that segregate love from love? And actually, love should be the icon's icon... picture tubes, drug parties and fat wallets aside!

Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere

EveGnosis
Member

since 2002-02-21

Posts 300
New York, USA

4 posted 2004-11-06 01:15 AM

yes, there are friend. it's a shame that actors, musicians, supermodels, etc are thought of as "out fo reach", for it tends to make them very much alone. god, if you so believe, created us all equal, and for someone to let go of love because they think they are less...crap! i think they are more than i...

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

News_From_Nowhere
Member

since 2002-06-14

Posts 173
CU, NY

5 posted 2004-11-06 02:01 AM

This was magnificent, Eve:
Sans one thing!
When the "Icons" reach such a stature
That they need the "drug parties",
They make themselves harder to love
Than just because they are rich and famous.

I loved the "Icon's Icon" redundency.
Your Icon is a wonderful person, I believe,
That can and will be there if you rethink the math...
icon=love. Try that in your poem.
Very true to life writing!

"So give life to your dreams, for there lies your survival, and cast your heart beyond those faded scenes, and I'll bring you through the storm"

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

6 posted 2004-11-06 04:52 AM

hmm... you just made me think EveGnosis!
thank you for that, cus I needed to have a think.

i really love this one

deep

the fortress proves temporary
because then you show me
that without the fame and glory
and drug parties and such
your pedestal of honesty
demands a longevity my fortress
cannot sustain.

this bit got me!!! ejoyed it the most.

love and empathy
darkness

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

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