Perfect Song - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

0 posted 2004-10-22 06:02 PM

Bright shadows flicker on the floor

                                                        breaking every rule of quiet anger

creating a mist of high voltage sweat

                     to radiate fever blue sparks

   of painted notes that shake the spine

                 a resonating masterpiece of chords

concentrated through a single potent voice

         tearing the room apart

in a scattered explosion of heavy passion that

                     echoes

                                                  into

             every
                               corner


                                    of

                                                                    consciousness.

"Stained by the sun, I can see colors...colors of mercy washing over me." - 3 Minutes From Home

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2004-10-22 08:35 PM

That was pretty cool. A bit trippy and scattered.

-GIS

He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

News_From_Nowhere
Member

since 2002-06-14

Posts 173
CU, NY

2 posted 2004-11-17 11:59 PM

Somehow I missed this one before
& so now I give it it's due.
RIVER ~ THIS WAS EXQUISITE!
Very opaquely blue-sky clear.

"So give life to your dreams, for there lies your survival, and cast your heart beyond those faded scenes, and I'll bring you through the storm"

EveGnosis
Member

since 2002-02-21

Posts 300
New York, USA

3 posted 2004-11-18 01:34 AM

the coolest thing about this "perfect song" is that it is laid out in musical form. notes on a page. guitar tab even. i'm gonna play it and see if it is as beautiful as i know it is.
oh, excuse me, perfect.
wow, river. i'm impressed!
do dooo do doooooooo doo do dooo do...
yessiree, it's pretty.

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

NightFall
Member

since 2004-01-28

Posts 88
The land known as England

4 posted 2004-11-18 04:10 PM

this is such a cool way to write, wonder what it sounds like played? more poetry should be written like this, its strong and draws you in to it.
NightFall

"My only love sprung from my only hate to early seen unkown and known to late" Romeo and juliet- William shakespere.

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

5 posted 2004-11-18 11:08 PM

So fantastic, River!!!!!!
The design so perfect, both spacing and wording!
Thanks for creating this gem!!

Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

6 posted 2004-11-19 01:46 PM

*stumbles in wide eyed* wow guys...you make it sound so great, are you sure you replied to the right poem? =) thanks, lol, I didn't expect to hear all this! that's groovy!

- River

"Stained by the sun, I can see colors...colors of mercy washing over me." - 3 Minutes From Home

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

7 posted 2004-11-19 08:00 PM

It's nice to try a new technique....like this poem alot!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.