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Dark Poetry #4
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that again
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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that again |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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"There's one I do want you to meet." she jotted notes innocuous is some sorta code in sheets plastic with a dry ink pen. "She's very good and very sweet-- a specialist of women's needs, she helps to exorcize the ghosts." as I wondered what that meant. "I don't want that on my chart" I protested much too weak with tears dripping off my chin. "It's Alright!" she boomed at me as I thought that it was not-- nothing nothing makes it so nothing can absorb the cost of this lack of sympathy by one of my own breed, I thought. It is not "alright." She heard me biting my own tongue and told me I was old but young thinking that this thing was sex and all it was powerplex dramas built within a mind that never did achieve its prime and so he chose to conquer me? A compliment. "Yeah, sure." I see. I was his mother and his wife and every woman caused him strife so I must be the nicety and understand that mark he carved, upon my cheek? Was actually a healthy thing for him if I could see it so. I thanked her with a shaking hand I thanked her clutching hate in teeth. "Let me know your every need." Like I'd ever that again. -------------------------------------- with thanks to silhouetted, for inspiration: /pip/Forum84/HTML/001225.html |
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| © Copyright 2004 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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vampiana Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296Nothing and Nowhere |
it was pretty cool, kinda unclear in some parts, but the ending was more clear..yeah, a tad confusing, but overall it came together... Kirst. the lone light, in a world of darkness. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
grrrrrrrr... yes..I understand. don't know how many times I heard, "It's a disease." Like that made it okay to do what he wanted... yea? well him and his disease are alone now, so he has no choice but to do what he does to himself... sorry...lol...I was ranting. love this Karen and I love you. "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
She heard me biting my own tongue and told me I was old but young thinking that this thing was sex and all it was powerplex dramas built within a mind that never did achieve its prime I sit back in my chair and look you up-N-down, in awe.  Gorgeous. Mxx another for my library  cuz fate is not just whose cooking smells good |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
"so I must be the nicety and understand that mark he carved, upon my cheek?" Implored my heart to agree... Very well done, serenity! Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
I am sorry if it is wrong, but I do not agree with that either . . .if I must answer for things when I get HOME, then I shall, but some things I just cannot believe we choose.  |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i liked this poem the only suggestion i have is the language in this poem is nice but in the first stanza 'sorta' throws me off, i does not seem to fit, even if it was change to 'sort of' it would be better i think. Pimpin and panderin, on a level you can't serve, dismantle, nouns, pronouns, adverbs, and verbs |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
wow, thankyou very much! I'm glad i inspired such an interesting poem! i liked the end, it concluded the poem woth satisfaction. I like the way you write. LOR put your frustrations into four letter words - incubus |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Well-thought out with great structure and honest to god jaw dropping, verrry niice. Wow, hope to see more from you. Hollow. Courts. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks all for reading and for understanding. And yep, there are lotsa probs with meter and missing words etc. I was on the damned mind meds she wrote me when I wrote this thing. I'd fix it, but I'll take it as testimony as to what that stuff does to me. (grin...makes me STRANGE, it does!) Feel free to give me hard critique too--as long as ya don't call me names I don't mind. Come to think of it, you can call me names too, if you kiss me first.  Thanks again. |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Two words...mighty You. Loved the feel of you here sis...has been awhile...and? now I know you need a visit. (watch your window) Love you lady, as always the sista-been-gone-too-long Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
oh lady... have I missed YOU!!!! *curling up on the couch, my head in your lap* whimper missssssssssed you |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Oh geez...get me teary-eyed with my preggie hormones and all... sniff. sniff. Use my new email lovey...can't seem to find ya? Your newest niece will be here in January... I'm off to incubate summore...  Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Grrrrr...I think I'd be angry, too! Love you, Serenity......jo |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Your poems about the true thoughts of women not being paid any mind always give me pause. I must confess that reading you here on this forum has given me a sense of greater sympathy and caution about relating to people in general. I try to be more careful about my apraisals of what other people might be thinking. Life's short. Think hard! |
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angelfacegurl Member
since 2008-04-17
Posts 67Swartz Creek, MI |
thats great poem i really can relate i enjoy rading this over and over! nice job britt |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Ser, where are you these days? I read this before and now I am reading it again. Putting it back out there. "...buried way beneath the sheets |
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Irish Member
since 2006-05-02
Posts 50Ft Benning |
Woman~ I don't find this confusing at all really. It is encompassing, leaving the reader to apply it to their own personal situation. It is a universe of "one" and " many" all at the same time. I do love the way you walk both worlds ! lol |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thank you. I think I needed to read this again today, so as a woman who appreciates serendipity, I'll give this more sober thought. I may have been too hasty, dimissing my dismissal. Love to all!  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You've never really dismissed the real of you, m'friend. You've only thought you had. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
and that is exactly why I think I should stop.  (why did this "bump"?)  |
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