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Dark Poetry #4
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His Romantic Grasp
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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His Romantic Grasp |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
He's built with abs like an eggcrate And very skillful with hands Armies are broken into fear by his presense The fullest strength to take the pain With some left over Simple minded defeat trial or bust I'll take him to a place Where mockers will be disgraced Their helmets filled with blood I shrink at the sight of this Every pore in my skin drips with an unfamiliar fluid Break through whats normal Even the sun has its catching up to do Imperfections molded into a compelling beauty You can hear the wise sigh with adoration The ever soft voice cracks for the listening ears Who always hear everything he says My man is the leader of the pack Sets standards for the weak to meet up They'll try with all their might Just stunned by this magnificent challenge The body dressed in a milky dark tan The aromas of roasted incense And the warm light that reassures this is what I see I know its wrong I have chosen something wrong Spill over this love for you He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11 |
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| © Copyright 2004 Kenneth Craig Rogers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
I don't think I really got it until the end, but the words were so powerful and lovely to read. Another great piece from you. Hollow. Courts. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
I was going to pull out a few of the lines to note as great, but then I had a hard time choosing only a few. I really enjoyed this one, GIS~! And for me, there's a dualism to its theme... You continue to impress! Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
He sounds hot. lol. too bad he's just another made up character. you could write a book with all these people you're making up. la de da de daaa. I still don't get the whole romantic grasp thing. I swear I don't think it's g.. but it's...hmm... - Bon "Stained by the sun, I can see colors...colors of mercy washing over me." - 3 Minutes From Home |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Yeah another creation, only this one is from part of me that doesn't really exist. Thank you everybody. -GIS He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11 |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
good poem greeny, only suggestion i have is your line in the fourth stanza 'i shrink at he sight of this', this is not concrete enough, and you really shouldent end lines with words like this, of, and...etc. but i really did like this poem...just take my thoughts with a grain of salt Pimpin and panderin, on a level you can't serve, dismantle, nouns, pronouns, adverbs, and verbs |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Yeah. I could have made it something like, "I shrink at the sight of him." Thank you for your advise. -GIS He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11 |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
"I know its wrong I have chosen something wrong" Gret write anyway! coyote  |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
The idea is a bit disturbing, but how do you break out of normal thinking if you don't do something a little different? -GIS He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11 |
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