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Dark Poetry #4
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Perfection perfected
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Perfection perfected |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand 
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your too much trouble too heavy on my shoudlers to carry the weight of my ever present love around wherever i go and your perfection doesnt help doesnt make it any easier to try to stop myself from falling down deep into your eyes till I hit the ground and wish i'd never taken that step further step to make it clear just how much i needed you even though i knew it was not possible even though we weren't even close i just had to let you know and i wish i hadn't and i wish i didnt still love you like i do watching you until your perfection is perfected i can't take it i can't take you anymore so i'll drop your weight forget your eyes let my shoulders rest for a while and carry only me around for a bit ... or at least i'll try put your frustrations into four letter words - incubus |
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| © Copyright 2004 L - All Rights Reserved | |||
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
i can't take it i can't take you anymore so i'll drop your weight forget your eyes let my shoulders rest for a while and carry only me around for a bit ... or at least i'll try oh wow oh wow, this is you at your best. maybe not your BEST BEST like some of your poems. but wow. is this bot a certain someone beginning with "L". cus some part of it sounds sorta related to him. this is honestly great love and empathy darkness nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
Loved the title line "watching you until your perfection is perfected". Indeed! I equated my "one whom I must let go" as climbing up a mountain and I'm at the top, hands reaching out as I watch them stare into my eyes...climbing closer, then falling back down. Finally as the falls became greater lengths than the few climbed steps, I realized I'd be waiting forever for that "perfection" of the perfect. Great poem! Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Laura, this is a great piece of work! I love how you glide down the page freefalling emotion and how you rise again to carry yourself as beautifully as you have written this. |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Littlewing is right, you glide down the page, gracefully and expressively may I add. Loved the watching part too. It's great, truly great. Love, Hollow. Courtney. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
thanks all for the replies purity... um... that lost me but i kind of saw where you were coming from but thanks! littlewing... i always feel so honoured when you reply to my poems. you always have something great to say and it really helps! courts... thanking you muchly and i also like the perfection part  soph.... its hard to tell these days who i write these poems for. yeah i guess some bits were about 'L' but most wasnt. its weird i hav paragraphs about people, then the rest is total fiction or just random vents. hmm thnkas guys anyway put your frustrations into four letter words - incubus |
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vampiana Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296Nothing and Nowhere |
and your perfection doesnt help doesnt make it any easier to try to stop myself from falling down deep into your eyes till I hit the ground and wish i'd never taken that step further i loved it. oh so very beautiful. well done. Kirst "Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"-Frank from Donnie Darko |
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