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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Dripping As she stumbles from the pond Where she has held her breath Sucked in the salty water She cried her pond Away in the bathtub Where she held Her knees to her chest Her shoulders convulsing With every lonely breath she hides Keeps it hidden from you Her oily flattery Grease on your lips So the blood runs easier When she bites She dives back under as the water Slips from your grasp Drowning her in the momentary Laughter You drank Hanging in the hangover That hung over your head When the noose snaps And her neck follows You turn Turn Turn Carousal of childhood spinning Her blindly Dizzy as you turn Turn away (Author's note: This is a weird one, but I'd like to hear what you think) "Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian |
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| © Copyright 2004 Courtney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
like ur old stuff aye? writing as 3rd person you had a really powerfulphase of 1st person, and i loved it. still brilliant but missing that ... zing? ya no wat i mean? LOR "When i close my eyes, i remember how to smile, under my umbrella im an accomplished exile..." |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
im breathless after reading that. it is piss!ng down and the poem just wow it took my breath away i think this is one of ur best cya nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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vampiana Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296Nothing and Nowhere |
Loved it, simply loved it, what else can i say? yet another brilliant poem, by a brilliant poet. great work courtney  "Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath"-Kurt Cobain |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is really really kewel.... i love the way you have wriiten it in third person.... nice work and i love it, love it love it... i too am spechless... Ruth live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
I am not speechless...I have plenty to say! lol This was amazing! I loved how different it was. I love reading poems in third..i dont know why, but they seem so much more interesting.... amaizng write, yet again! Karissa I ask why, but in my mind, |
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