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Open Poetry #30
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The Pilgrim -- Part VI
| Open Poetry #30 |
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The Pilgrim -- Part VI |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA 
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see me Salve see me again Salve Regina see me again, becoming Salve Regina, mater misericordiae see me again, becoming what I should have become what I was meant to become before before this Vita, dulcedo, et spes nostra, salve before the lies and the hatred before the words spoken too soon before the crash of a life led to the crash of two lives Ad te clamamus, exsulis fili Hevae see me again, as I was before (as I still am, now) a simple man a quiet man a man who knew not the meaning or touch of pain but, who only knew love Ad te suspiramus he journeyed with the clouds and played with the stars until he found one and, when he did, he jouneyed no more, but stayed gementes et flentes in hac lacrimarum valle stayed where he felt that his heart was welcomed where his soul felt at rest where his body felt at ease he stayed to take care and to be taken care of all he ever asked for was the chance to fly and to be flown with Eia ergo, advocata nostra he tried to teach the way of thought the songs of his life, of her being one cared not to learn imposing one's own songs on his soul clipping his wings illos tuos misericordes oculos ad nos converte days, he spent looking up nights, he spent looking in hoping to show his heart, his soul once again things that one cared not to see too busy wanting him to be a reflection of one and not a mirror of one surprised when one discovered that he would shatter that mirror over and over again just to see the moon Et Jesum, benedictum fructum ventris tui, nobis post ho exsilium ostende he flies again now when he can, among the moon when he breaks through the cage of life built for him knowing that if he returns the bars will be stronger and his wings will be shorter but, for him, the ground matters not only the flight the flight and the song O clemens, O pia, O dulcis Virgo Maria the song, he wished one to learn when all he asked for was to fly and to be flown with ------------------------------------------------------------------------ I am tired . . . |
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chinesestone Member
since 2003-06-04
Posts 76China |
wonderfull |
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Masked Intruder
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231Near golden sunsets |
Man, Sven... So tragic, overwhelming almost. Was this a challenge response? The bilingual one... But, no, you just incorporated the latin in there. I used to think I knew enough of it to get by. But your use is very ... oh, there's a good word that I can't think of ... but it's incredible, it fits so well, adding much to the entire mood. Excellent write, poet. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Sven - I cannot describe what I feel when I read this poem. Excellent write my friend... BC |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice read  |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
WOW! Look who it is! Sven Pen! I think you've done well with these so far, and they get better. I really think these would be better when read out loud. One day, huh? As far as critique...well..you know I'm going to be honest with you. Its good to see you writing again. There is one part that really didn't make sense to me. " a reflection of one and not a mirror of one" Did I miss something? It seems to be two different lines describing the exact same thing when it was supposed to be two different things being described (arrgh..I'm SO wordy  )Also, I'm not sure I like the use of the word "one" and it seems your tense shifts unnecessarily in the poem. Other than that, I think this could have a very calming effect if read out loud. Loving this and giving it a bump. Besides..your muse might be mad if she gets ignored. I'll just have to keep her happy, eh? All of my impurities are right here on my sleeve. This is Me"---Faith Hill |
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