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Emotionaly ill
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Emotionaly ill |
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AusRotten New Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 7 |
emotionaly ill... more of a song... enjoy... ..:chorus:..2x Casue im emotionly ill// not alive or on top// (and I) wishin i still// could still strive but im not// I'm emotionly ill// not alive or on top// wishin i still had it not lovin what i got//<-----(say faster) Hearts broken..all his minds astray// starts smokin.. doesnt know any other way// hes just thinkin..why does it happen to him// adrenilin stim, doesnt do shyt his mind still dim//<--------(say faster than rest or verse) StYlE SwItCh Why people think rationly good bout me// hell on earth, controversy is what they dont see// beleive me, cant explain action emotions// hearts swinging so fast cause reaction proportions// motions, towards the lifes end chapter// hesitation cause inovations factor// tractor pulls, seem more novice to do// cant beleive this happened, when the (edit by moderator) did i lie to you// chorus 2x Casue im emotionly ill// not alive or on top// (and I) wishin i still// could still strive but im not// I'm emotionly ill// not alive or on top// wishin i still had it not lovin what i got//<-----(say faster) loves a funny word, well dont believe that// conformations between all, in violation get smacked// jacked up, actin feeble in life livin// im unforgotten, shes still unforgiven// sections divide, broken up to peices// my lifes book, love pages have creases// ceases, inhailing becomes impossible// comin bakk to life, (edit by moderator) thats improbable// causeible feelings, translated to words//words to actions, then talk amongst the birds// now listen to the last line, i'm speakin truth still// when u think u have love, shyt gets emotionly ill// chorus 2x Casue im emotionly ill// not alive or on top// (and I) wishin i still// could still strive but im not// I'm emotionly ill// not alive or on top// wishin i still had it not lovin what i got//<-----(say faster) now u see the tradgey has happened to me// cant explain the scene of future i see// cant complain, but thats the only shyt i do// constillation thinking of all the words that are true// stressful hate, intergrated in my mind// execption state tooken, stabbed from behind// listening, conversations turned radical// words cage u trapped in a cubeical// suitable for, anyone who expects critisism//hiding away, for a defense mechanism// settin the bar high, for every word i say// im so emotionly sick, wish i could end it today// chorus 2x Casue im emotionly ill// not alive or on top// (and I) wishin i still// could still strive but im not// I'm emotionly ill// not alive or on top// wishin i still had it not lovin what i got//<-----(say faster, and finnaly no beat for the last line) [This message has been edited by Greeneyes (11-27-2003 11:17 PM).] |
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AusRotten New Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 7 |
please give me feed on my pieces... im desparet... lol.... |
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Masked Intruder
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231Near golden sunsets |
It is really hard for me to get a good look at this piece just because of how it is written. I know it's a song, but it's really hard to read through all the line breaks and keep the flow going with the spelling errors or typos. But, getting through it, overall I liked the theme, but it seemed a bit unrehearsed and a little undeveloped. |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
Again I'm stuck on the form and spelling too..although there's a good message there, readers are used to seeing adverbs like emotionally written with an 'ally' are going to wonder at the words you intended to use...the words could go into lyrics and no one would know about the spelling...but you'd have to get someone to rewrite this in a presentable form. [This message has been edited by ecrivan (12-03-2003 11:01 PM).] |
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bbent Senior Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 521Alaska |
Enjoying the unconventional and being a song writer too I liked this.Post a link if you ever put it to mp3 I'd love to hear it in audio. Live like it's your last day... |
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