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Open Poetry #30

Why You and I are Over

Kristin Eve
Member

since 2004-01-13

Posts 89
On, Canada

0 posted 2004-01-18 04:20 PM

if i
were teeny-tiny..
shimmying my akward body
up the cold steel shaft of a pin,
bare thighs stinging at the contact
of flesh and metal...

and if you...
were teeny-tiny..
Standing proudly on the very tip
content with your rank
in this situation
reaching down your hand to help me up
when i stretch my little hand upward.

if you
kept your balance
and your grace
as you pulled me up-up

Would there be room
on the head
for the both of us?

"Who you are speaks so loudly...I can hardly hear what you are saying"

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2004-01-18 05:47 PM

A very creative way to express your feelings of doubt.
The word "if" could also suggest that you may occupy rightfully on your own the head of the pin!

Love, Margherita

McLean
Member

since 2004-01-05

Posts 484
state of marital bliss

2 posted 2004-01-18 06:14 PM

This is neat-o! I like the imagery and the concluding question.

McLean

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

3 posted 2004-01-18 07:35 PM

Kristin Eve -- I loved this poem -- it was fascinating and novel!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2004-01-18 07:39 PM

Excellent write...
Congratulations on becoming a full Member!
Hugs~

In the midst of winter..
I found there lives within me,
an invincible summer.

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