I couldn't the poem I was trying to show to support comments to Elf. maybe this will

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DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

0 posted 2004-01-05 07:19 PM

I play roulette and never lose, the ball is molten steel
Yes I know the stakes are hell
But I do it for the thrill
I see a woman
Running bluff and watch her read my soul
She nods me to bow and scrape
But for me it's no great deal
Can I bluff and why not, I have done so all of my life
I look into her eyes and see the molten fire that's strife
I look onto her breasts and to desire do I stare
Smoke rises from her fingers and I look everywhere
She turns my first card over
A soul for my very own
What more could any man desire
Or wish for to atone
This is no soul I heard her say
This your knell without delay
I consider the knell and raise my heart
Another soul has come apart
Then another card to take
Another smile to part and someone else to forsake
A willow tree blowing in the wind
A girl who made me think
And all I offered her was sin and that was my mistake
I left her heart on a lonely path and parted with a grin

I forfeit my pride for the third card
The wind blowing nature's way
Just a pretty picture, a girl's face here again
Leaving her at the door as the wind came in
Leaving her, her love
And the child we helped begin
Now she turns her cards up
A soul in watery depths
Not one you remember nor bound by nor kept
It was the soul of someone who cared enough for you
To give you all her soul and her liberty too
The second card is turned
A skeleton in the breeze
Unable to cope with sin
Seeking her heart's freeze
Now the third card
A girl without anyone
Freezing in the winter
Leaving the life you had begun
She turned my cards up
You placed your soul as a bet
But there was no soul, just upset
All you raised was your ego
And considered that your soul
House rules here are different
And so to bluff we go
And by your belief
You are considered to have a soul
You raised your heart for the willow
The willow is strength and work
Everything you sneered at
And when it was offered just shirked
Perhaps the knell has hope for you
No-one else would try
No-one else has offered much
For you there was only lies
You forfeited your pride
For the wind that blows to hell
An interesting combination
Or is this to be your knell
Your knell will land without pride or heart
How can you succeed when you can never start
I don’t control my fate as you make it so clear
And as I have no soul what can I hold so dear
Your eyes can plunge deep beneath my mind
But what is there left for you to find
Your flame can't hurt a soul that you say does not matter
Or are your words nothing just the rain at pitter, patter
Do you want a begging bowl for your eager pleadings
Or do you want blood or is that your soul bleeding
In this game you raised a belief in your very soul
You bluffed with your ego now you tell me to find the hole

If I was late I was coming back
To see they were ok
And now I've come to hell
So burn me to a fray
This place is living hell
And you want me to repent
But I did all they ever needed
It wasn't innocence
You took them and you used them
Then left them to die
The count of souls to condemn you
Would stand and watch you fry
So burn my non-existent soul if you want the hell
I smile at a woman and they love a dangerous smell
They want it rough and ready a dangerous man to keep
Someone to protect them and keep excited in their sleep
Someone to love and leave them
So they know heartbreak
Do you think I do for me it is for their own sake
If I wasn't there then who the blame would take
I was frightened of hell now you lord it high
Do what you want with me I will never see the sky
So don't waste my time nor knell
Why do you think I'm here in hell
I have only two questions
She smiled at the knell
Who said you were staying
And who told you this was hell?.

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

1 posted 2004-01-05 07:30 PM

Dave Dave Dave,,,,,this is excellent as usual. You should break it down, format it better. Try breaking it into stanza's of 8 lines apiece, then throw out the weakest.

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

2 posted 2004-01-05 08:54 PM

You are right be I have a problem about being regular.

I am as I have always been an Outlaw for an Inlaw.

It needs pruning

Thanks for the words

Dave

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